To confront or not confront cheating W?

[bigybiz]

Vinny 76. I really feel for you and there is lots of good advice here and you should listen to them i.e. Sandi2, TxHubby, Rosse88, etc.

I want to tell you my story - just for interest. I did everything wrong, but I'm OK with the result. I suspected my W was having an affair. I begged and pleaded for her to tell me the truth. She kept telling me she was not. Her behavior and actions said otherwise. I started snooping on her phone and saw convo's between her and a man. Very personal, flirty, etc.

So I started asking very direct questions and the lies continued. Well, when I was at the end of my rope.

I told her I hired hackers who sent me screen grabs of her convos between her and the OM. That was not true - but it was the only way she would tell me the truth. Well she was horrified. She told me a little about him, she told me that it was not a PA. She did not think there was anything wrong.

She contacted him and told him that I had hired hackers to expose the relationship.

Then I contacted him via social media and told him I needed to speak to him (He was far away in the U.S.A.). I got him on the phone. He told me it was not a PA. He agreed he should not have been having personal conversations with a married woman. Then he dropped her like a stone. He has not spoken to her since. After we went In House Sep, she tried to reconnect with him. I contacted him and he blocked her.

The best thing I did was confront him and told him to leave my wife alone. I really felt good after I did that. You can get really brave over the phone knowing there are 1000's of KM between you.

My bluff worked - as she blinked and confessed.

The consequence was - He dropped her. So she did feel it.

I was "Lucky" in some respects. Everything I did was wrong. To this day W still says it was not an EA it was a friendship. Despite the fact it was a secret, personal, flirty, etc.

So listen to the vets - confront at great peril - but if you do, be ready for an outcome you did not expect.