My ex wife left me 3 years ago. In that time I was heart broken but determined to save my marriage. I bought Divorce Remedy, Divorce Busting, did some self help stuff and went to do marriage counselling on my own. I was addicted to this forum as well.
As great as these book's advice was, I was never able to save my marriage. Oddly enough though...During this time, I advised 2 friends who were in a separation to read the books and they were able to make it work.
For the longest time, I was so confused. Why is it that my spouse continues to evade and come back, evade and come back but never do we ever make the connection?
It messed with my head. I was having such a hard time I started having anxiety attacks and headed for a psychotherapist. Guess what I learned? I learned about a personality disorder called "Narcissist". I learned that her back and forth behaviour wasn't a spouse who needed space and tome to think, it's a game she played to keep me available if she needs something.
It was such a revelation. In time, I also learned that her lesbian friend who was too close and too involved since the beginning was in fact, not just a friend. I was floored and relieved at the same time. It all made sense. Since then, I've been going through therapy sessions. It's a slow, slow healing process but I'm learning every day.
The reason I'm telling you about this is that some of you may be in the situation I was in. I just want to make it known that if nothing makes sense; if you find yourself cloudy headed and spinning in circles at all times and nothing seems to connect, be careful. Seek therapy and discuss. Not everyone will go through what I went through. In relationships with normal people, you'll find that DB works in a way that makes sense. With what I dealt with, nothing made sense.
Please don't see this message as a discouragement from doing the work to save your family. I fought the good fight and I don't regret it. Just make sure that you take the time to understand the person you're trying to reconnect with. Good luck .
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
