In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck

[Pyrite]

Some people do everything right and fail to save their M.

Roist, there is another on the end of this rope we can choose to hold and sometimes (like mine) they have thrown it away, burnt it, and denied there ever was a rope. People talk about a post BD script, and I absolutely agree that the BD perpetrators routinely invoke this script like defence. Really it is nothing more than a typical defence and not so remarkable at all. As time goes on this becomes ingrained, MLC or not. In my case ex is as happy as a pig in [censored]. There were no consequences to D, she's living with A partner, and I get to pay her share of rent and bills.

IDK what the stats might be, but I do know that at best 1 partner can only ever have 50% at most say in the direction a R is going to take. So even even if "we" are 100% committed forever - the balance will never be tipped unless THEY come to the party. Given that there is likely so much animosity post BD, and the fact that there was a BD in the first place suggests that this is very unlikely.

I deeply value the support and advice I have received on the DB forums, and I truly believe that this "experience" is an opportunity (and even possibly a great an unparalleled opportunity) for personal growth, but one reason I am not here much anymore is that I can not reconcile that with giving people hope that this is a situation they can change. As you even suggested - it is the hope that you can change this M-BD-D situation that locks you in and prevents you from moving forward. At best (not me), "Be open to R, not waiting for it" - but there is a very fine line here and most people WILL fool themselves that they are indeed not waiting just so they can hold onto that hope.

It's just like that - "i'll be happy when .....__________". That's crap. Like the cheesy cliche - Happiness is not a destination!

-Py