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MoveFrwd #2713765 11/02/16 05:31 AM
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RBG80 Offline OP
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Thanks Si, Whilst I hope that my efforts have an effect on my W, these efforts are being made for me and my S. I need to drop weight and want to do this so that I can have a long life to watch my S grow. I hope that this will also have an impact on my confidence which in turn will bring a new lease of life.

I understand that changes made for her will not stick and would be made for the wrong reasons.


M - 36 / W - 32
S - 3
Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs
Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016
Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
RBG80 #2713766 11/02/16 05:35 AM
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Hey Darkness, hope your all good...

Goals are yet to be set as I need some significant time to work on these. I've got a few ideas, but want to ensure that they are realistic, and what I actually want (I'm unsure as to what I want at the moment and how to figure this out).


M - 36 / W - 32
S - 3
Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs
Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016
Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
RBG80 #2713769 11/02/16 05:42 AM
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Originally Posted By: RBG80
Goals are yet to be set as I need some significant time to work on these.

Its been a week...How about setting a goal to have these in place by Sunday?

Originally Posted By: RBG80
I'm unsure as to what I want at the moment and how to figure this out.

You dont know how to figure out what you want out of life? Nobody can set that for you but you.

If you knew W was not going to change her mind, what would you want that life to look like?

MoveFrwd #2713775 11/02/16 05:55 AM
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RBG80 Offline OP
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Thats just it, I am such a family man that I cant see anything other than a family. I dont want to jump into another relationship without being over my W, but am just useless on my own.

I think there is some soul searching that needs to be done!


M - 36 / W - 32
S - 3
Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs
Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016
Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
RBG80 #2714206 11/04/16 07:42 AM
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Still lots of silence from the W. Going Dark appears to be having no effect at all. Whats the best thing to do - continue and wait or well I dont know what alternatives I have.

I am wondering if there will ever be any change to the sitch and wonder if any efforts are worth while.

I'm trying to get on with my life and am keeping myself busy but it all seems so fruitless!


M - 36 / W - 32
S - 3
Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs
Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016
Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
RBG80 #2714210 11/04/16 07:54 AM
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Originally Posted By: RBG80
I'm trying to get on with my life and am keeping myself busy but it all seems so fruitless!


GAL fruitless? It is only fruitful if you are doing it for you and not to get a reaction.


Me:42 W:37
M:18 T:23
3S: 4,7,10
EA 6/16
ILYBNILWY 7/16
9/16 separate BR
10/16 Discernment Counseling
She's moving out 1/17
BillyHo #2714211 11/04/16 07:55 AM
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RBG80 Offline OP
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Hi Billy,

The GAL is for me (and my S). But the going dark seems to be fruitless...


M - 36 / W - 32
S - 3
Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs
Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016
Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
RBG80 #2714212 11/04/16 07:56 AM
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RBG80,

I think you're right, there are only two alternatives, moving on or not moving on.

doodler #2714218 11/04/16 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted By: doodler
RBG80,

I think you're right, there are only two alternatives, moving on or not moving on.



I see no other alternative than to just move forward, continue doing what I'm doing and hope that it makes a difference to her. What other tactics could be deployed here?...

Again, working on a new me for ME (but also hope that it may change how she feels - if not hopefully I'll be in a better place anyway).


M - 36 / W - 32
S - 3
Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs
Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016
Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
RBG80 #2714222 11/04/16 08:33 AM
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Originally Posted By: RBG80
Still lots of silence from the W. Going Dark appears to be having no effect at all. Whats the best thing to do - continue and wait or well I dont know what alternatives I have.

1) How do you know theres no effect?
2) What is your proposal for an alternative?

Originally Posted By: RBG80
I am wondering if there will ever be any change to the sitch and wonder if any efforts are worth while. I'm trying to get on with my life and am keeping myself busy but it all seems so fruitless!

1) Maybe there will be a change. Maybe not. In my opinion, Id live your life as if she was not going to change her mind.
2) What do you mean by 'worthwhile' and 'fruitless'? It doesnt sound like you think this is for YOU.

It sounds like you are frustrated and impatient. What is your plan to deal with those things in a positive manner?

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