The sun will rise for a new day

[ATPeace]

Thank you ...and this is why I love this place

Sometimes I guess I just want my pain to stop and looking to other women for friendships would be crazy at this time

I still want to stand for my marriage but I want to do this from a little bit further away I just feel so unbelievably sad at the thought of how things are heading.

I guess with detachment I will see my feelings change.

I have a real opportunity to give my W what she wants to live apart and to have no expectation..... she says when I am away she feels happier as she knows what she has to do (eveything) and does not feel the resentment of me not pulling my weight ..when I am at home I will always end up not doing something that lets her down ...and this is what I think is the crux of our problems .....expectation fuelled by resentment I have the opportunity to start a new life in Devon

I still want to fight this I want to hold on to the past I do not want to let go of her but I can see a light

Thank you my friends

[Vanilla]

Sweetheart

I believe you can know it's possible to have a new R. That's it is ok in time to do so. That doesn't mean having one.

Since and we have chatted about this before, there is a very strong fear of abandonment in your sitch, it is my opinion that Ghost can know he is capable of a new R, even though he hasn't got one.

Making new friends is important in your GAL. And married women (of the yummie for me) variety aren't good news. On the other hand if she is a 62 year old bat like V, it probably works.

There is time AP tons of it. You are a young man.

Keep truckin', fat lady hasn't sung just yet.

V

[ATPeace]

Well things have been very up and down for me and I need a little bit of help and support

I am ready to make the brake from my marriage my W no longer makes me happy and has not done so for a very long time

So the help I need is with setting and in forcing boundaries

My W has a way of turning conversations and situation around and making me feel like utter crap

We have to coparent and get along but the way she is treating me I have never treated her the way she is treating me

So I am ready to move forward I will be speaking to an estate agent on Monday about putting our house in the market and I am worried that once this happens the atmosphere in the house will become unbearable ...does anyone have any advice on how to sell a house coparent and be amicable or should I just move out while this is happening ....why should I leave the family home

I think I am in for a very difficult few months ahead ....feeling scared and alone

But realise this is the only way forward

[roist]

I would be interested in some examples of her making you feel crap. But for the record. She does not make you feel crap. Regardless of what she says or does YOU make YOU feel crap in response to her.

That will not change by moving out. It may be improved due to less interactions but unless you take responsability for your own feelings this cannot change.

Yes boundaries are essential too. Glad you see this.

Just a gentle 2x4, IMO you are not moving forward but still trying to get away from a bad situation.This is understandable.It has to be tough in your position.But moving forward is essentially about moving towards a better life, not moving away from negativity. There is a difference.

I don't like the term of this being the only option. It may be the best one for you now. But there are always several options. Choose your option and work towards it. None of us choose our situation but now that is where we are we choose our own path forward.

I am not saying don't do what you are thinking of. I just want you to reflect on these points.

Best wishes

[ATPeace]

Roise Thank you a good example of me feeling crap would be if she guilted me she decides not to go out but makes it because of something I have done or not done so she huffs and puts and gets upset gives me the silent treatment or will say something like and this is why I do not want to be with you or why we need to be inn separate houses leaving me feeling hopeless to repairing things.

My thoughts create my feelings but I try not to think of my sitch

[roist]

In your example:

1. SHE decided not to go out. You did not force her. SHE.ddecided on her own..

Regardless of what you did or didn't do, she choose not to ho out.

2. SHE is not happy with HER decision and blames you. Regardless of what you did or did not do , she choose and is blaming you.

Accept that she will be unhappy and blame you. I am not saying accept her blame nor abuse. But accept that in her current state of mind this is going to happen. Just like rain on a winters day. It is normal and not always pleasant, but it is unavoidable.If it rains it rains.

3. You do realise how childish her antics are. If she wants to be childish let her off.

4. That has to be one of the lamest excuses I have heard to NEED to separate. Don't buy into it. No matter what she spews ALL she is saying is that she is not happy.

Accept that she is not happy and know that you cannot fix this.

5. As long as you keep your focus on repairing things you will be hurt by her words/actions and those feelings of despair and hopelessness will fester inside of you.

It is good you try not to think about your situation.
II know this is difficult when sharing a house and kids. Please elaborate on what YOU are DOING to achieve this.

Best wishes

PS read today's post by maximus on his new thread

[roist]

I didn't mention boundaries but you can look that up

[ATPeace]

Hi roist

Well I guess I am trying to live in the moment not look too far ahead

For the first time in a long time I am actually feeling that I will be ok no matter what and when it happens

I still find myself apologising something she rarely does for just about anything that I have done that upsets her feelings

I plan to start stepping up my gal there have been some local meet up groups that have interested me and I will look to start going out more

I know I am still hugely attached as I still get upset by her actions or if she goes out then I wonder what she is doing ...even tho I know she says she is not looking for someone else ..I cannot help wondering what she is doing ....

So she has not been intimate with me since bomb date yet the day before she told me she loved me now she tells me she was abused by me in our marriage...yet she has made no attempt to escape from her abuser she still lives with me and we get along .

I still care about Her I wish I could move on from her I know this will happen much easier when we are in different homes yet she still is not doing anything about this ....she is expecting me to do this ....Ishe wanted to break up it should be her making the decision to sell yet she has done nothing

I am feeling ok

Ghost

[roist]

You will be OK.

Yes don't look too far forward.
yes GAL.

It is normal to try to understand her, but she is driven by emotion not logic. So for get logical reasoning.

If you can focus on you and improving your life, including joy and happiness I don't see any reason for you to do the work for her.

Find your true self. Become that man.

Your W is not going to snap out of this at least not soon. So why not dedicate from now until the end of the year on YOU. Let her go, ad much ad you can, completely ideally. Anytime you find yourself thinking of her and ye, change those thoughts to other stuff especially plans and actions about you

Best wishes

[ATPeace]

Roist thank you for your input it means a lot to me

How is your situation in many ways I feel we are all in this together everyone's situation is very slightly different yet very much the same.

You understand db much better than I do I will head over to your thread

Talk soon

Ghost