job - thank you for explaining your comment. He is off and running again and I have no intention to be trusting him so quickly again if he comes back my way. I need to get myself back on track and look at myself; what I want for my life, so am taking a step back for a while to gather my thoughts. I think a part of me made myself in to someone that was more appealing to him, I tried too hard to become someone and that someone wasn't really me.
I know its important to GAL but I maybe misunderstood what that actually means and put pressure on myself to become a social butterfly and take part in and do things that I did not necessarily want. Right now I feel I want to remove myself from the world a little, just to have time to me, solitude and calm. I am happy to just work, pay my bills, save a little, occasionally see my friends, walk on the beach and play with my crafts. I don't need or feel the desire to have a buzzing social life, and that isn't to say that feeling won't change, but for now I feel that my trust, my convictions, my opinions and thoughts have been compromised, not only by him, but by myself.
There will be no chasing him, no contact, no chit chats, I can't have him in my life as a friend right now, its too hard. I have re said what I said to him last time " I will always be here for you if you need me, never get to a point in life where you feel you have no one". I feel this leaves the door open for him to contact again ...it will be down to me at the time whether i want it or not.
Time to re group, breathe and get over this break up ....which isn't as bad as the last one, but I am still feeling the sadness and pain from it.
kml - I love your dream board idea and its something I will do when I have my own place and can add too as I think of things.
Gwen - thank you my darling friend. Your words always bring me comfort and knowing I have so much support out there in the world helps me keep breathing.
Just a bit of journalling now - h has gone off to pick up a roof box to give him extra space to get his stuff in as he bought it up in the caravan. I have told him he has to stay until the caravan is picked up and the money sorted out, its a principal thing, he left me to deal with everything last time and I did it without question or complaint, this time I will be darned if I give him the luxury of driving off in to the sunset without lifting a finger. It does mean I have to live with him, but I am beginning to turn off to him, remaining friendly so that this is the person he leaves, not some blubbering wreck ....oh so appealing lol.
This situation we are all in is crapola
So onwards and forwards with the next thread my friends. What will this one bring I wonder !?
