I don't think I am a natural. I've just reached my bullsh!t limit. On the second to last Dday, in June, I was suicidal. I felt like I was dying. A switch has flipped in the past few weeks.
After the first Dday, WS complained that the pain just poured off me all the time and that it made me hard to be around. I really resented him saying that given the fact that I was in so much pain because he cheated. You know what? He's right. I lost myself in it. I didn't even look like myself anymore. I stopped caring about my appearance. I cried continually. It wasn't good for me and I should have kicked him out ages ago.
I got my hair all cut off yesterday. I bought some much deserved new clothes. I got a massage. I actually smiled at myself in the mirror today.
Off to MC tonight, by his choice or, at least, it was by his choice when she asked at our last appointment. I haven't heard anything about it since. My goal tonight is to make a plan for him taking DD out of the house instead of him having his visitation here. After this, I don't know that I care if we make another appointment unless he has make some kind of progress on the things MC asked him to do this week.
Molly -- I've gotten that same complaint: that I was too overtly sad, and that it pushed my W further away. I am not saying LBS' don't need to work really hard to find a PMA (for themselves, not their WS), but it is really hard when inside you feel like you're dying. And it's flat out the height of victim shaming for the wayward/walkaway to make the complaint. I think they feel guilty when they are forced to confront the human toll of their choices, and they don't want that and can't deal with that, and so they scapegoat.
It's frankly one of the things that helped me drop the rope to whatever extent I have recently. I started asking myself how sure am I that I want to be with someone capable of that sort of reptilian lack of empathy? It switched the focus from where it had been (doing everything possible to please my W into R) to at least asking: What do I want out of a partner, and is this person really capable of it?
Hang in there!
Last edited by Cadet; 11/03/1604:54 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Met my new IC today. I like her. However, the only reason I was referred to her was because WS wanted us to continue seeing MC therefore I couldn't see her as an IC. WS did not show up for MC today even though it was him that asked to schedule it. Didn't call. Nothing. I texted him(shouldn't have) and he replied that he had just finished supper. DBing or not, I told him I thought he was a d!ck.
Guess we are done with MC which is disappointing because even though it's not really helpful right now, it was the only hope for getting my conflict avoiding WS to deal with some of his stuff.
