Chapter 4 - Acting As If

[bigybiz]

Update about me - I'm not sure how the detachment process is coming along. I know there are some days where I don't think of the W very much. Primarily if I'm busy.

W comes to the house 3 times a week to collect the S16 and S10. Typically S16 goes and eats dinner with her then comes back on his own for homework, etc.

S10 has started spending 1 night a week with W.

S16 on most Saturday's he spends less and less time with W. He has been doing more with me on those Saturday's. That's great for me and hopefully for him.

One example - S16 plays the trombone at school. As a way of supporting and encouraging him I took him and D20 to see a concert featuring horn sections i.e. Chicago and Earth Wind & Fire. It was a great time for me and I believe they enjoyed it. Funny thing W plays the trombone - I invited her to come, of course she declined.

We've done a few other things together on "her" days and of course being 16 he has his own activities.

There was a ceremony for S16 for those on the Honor Roll at school. I put the invite in the binder and noted the event on the calendar. W did not show. I'm sure S16 told her about it. I know he appreciated me attending - I've not asked him why his Mom did not attend.

I wonder if she is feeling the loss yet?

Family therapy is OK - we mainly talk about the grenades that W throws in and how the 3 of us should deal with them i.e. The boys should not be go betweens.

W comes over we hardly speak, I will reply if she sends a text but we are NC pretty much. Interestingly she wanted to see S10 in his halloween costume (I had a seamstress make the costume - W has made all of our children's costumes - but not this year).

She sent a text - I was too busy to reply. She called the land line. I answered and basically said "please come over. There will be some dinner if you want it and if you can help S16 with handing out the candy, he can keep to his homework". Then got off the phone quickly.

Well she came over. S10 and I came in for a pit stop - W was handing out candy, she took a photo of S10 when we came back at the end of the evening, she had put the food away and done the dishes. I was careful not to read anything into it. But, I was surprised.

I think that is it for an update. I'm keeping a distance from her, trying to fill her shoes in the house, limiting the flare ups. But, I still obsess.

I'm guessing that one day I'll look up and say - what was I obsessing about?