It seems you are somewhat obsessed about the sex. That is what you miss about your W, and it is distracting you to the point of redefining, and certainly misapplying, some of the DB techniques. You can call anything a 180, but that doesn't automatically mean it's okay to use that particular action. Some people misuse that term to justify doing what their emotions dictate. In your case, your sex drive is directing you........and you may make some bad decisions if you don't get control and start thinking with your brain.

You said something about acting separated. Exactly what is the marital status? If you are in-house S, then don't tell her to put on something sexy to wear to bed. Are you still sleeping in the bed together? IMHO, it is not a good idea to wait until you are ready to engage in sex and then ask her if she's been tested for STD.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!