Still hanging on ... just

[Oluwa]

Thanks darknes. Yes not making budgets etc is definitely one of our problems. Money has been an issue with us for many many years. She would always say things like you are stingy and never spend money. She would always get angry about it, and I would cave in and let her spend.

Years ago now, we argued about money and I said, I'm tired of this arguing, you manage the money in total then and then we'll see how we go.

Spending has never been in control since then. Yes it's my fault to enable this behaviour in the first place, but it is a dynamic in our relationship that needs to change, but where we are now in the marriage, it is going to be a difficult discussion to have, but one that may bring me some respect if I explain the implications and start to get us on a budget.

About a year and a half ago, I did suggest that we start tracking spending etc and she said "you can stick your budget up your ass!". The times I might mention why she suddenly spent alot of money on clothes or expensice soccer kits for the youngest son, she would say "Thats why I work myself, so I can spend money without your querying me!". But our finances aren't separate, she doesn't have money allocated to spend as she wants to, which is something I suggested at that time again. She just doesn't want to discuss any of it.

So as the marriage has deteriorated and she has said ILBINILWY etc, I have backed down more and more. So now I am in this NGS, too afraid to rock the boat about money, when clearly its one of the things we both manage very badly.