Thank you so much for your support Job, Esame, Coly23 and Peacetoday, I really appreciate it. I have a few amazing friends and my kids who have all been there for me but the loneliness inside follows me everywhere I go...
Coly23 - a couple of months previous to BD, my husband had been more quiet than usual especially over the holidays but when I asked him what was bothering him he just said work...Then when we got back from our Xmas holidays with the kids he booked himself in to have eye surgery as he felt his glasses made him feel old. The bomb drop was two days after his eye surgery. I know he was very very stressed about the eye surgery as they had to do both eyes at the same time which he had not anticipated. I also had got strange texts from him whenever a famous person died..David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Victoris Woods and finally Prince. I live in London so you may not have heard of a couple of them. The last text, Prince, was sent at 6:30am after he had moved out and it said "Prince 57.....s**t!!!". I had also found a couple of selfies on his phone he had taken of his thinning hair and wrinkles before he moved out. So there was definitely a concern about aging. The month before he moved out he also started to keep his phone on him 24/7 and was googling some strange 'romantic' things on his computer (yes, I was snooping then coz I was trying to figure what was going on as he denied that this had anything to do with another woman). On the day of the BD, he left for work as normal, texted me a few times during the day about the kids because they were coming home that weekend and he wanted to know if we were doing our usual pizza night with them. Then he went to his therapy session in the afternoon, came home in the evening and was acting very strange, sat in the middle of the kitchen with an odd look on his face. When I pushed him to tell me what was wrong he finally started crying and said "if I tell you you might not want to be with me, I feel like I'm going crazy". So we went for a walk and then he said "I love you but I not in love you anymore, I think I should move out for a month or two or a year or two years!" I was so shocked, did not see that coming in my wildest dreams. The kids and I all begged him to stay and try to work on it...he refused any kind couples therapy saying it was too late but agreed to stay for a while to see if he felt any different. Over the next two months he just got more and more strange and distant. Yelling at our boys when they tried to reason with him..."I need SPACE, SPACE, SPACE...I know I might loose all you guys but I feel I have to do this or I will go crazy" Finally I told him I thought he should move out for 3-6 months to sort his head out. He left with a few clothes, his golf clubs and his computer....Wouldn't tell any of us where he was moving to and we only found out three months later that he only lives 5mins away from our house. That was 7 months ago now... Initially, he said he had been unhappy for a couple of months, then it became, 6 months, then a year, then two years and finally he started bringing up stuff that had happened even before we got married??? Everybody is certain he is having a MLC even his own family but he thinks he has finally found his "happiness"...and there is no reasoning with him! I miss him so much as we were really close and I am so scared he won't come home to us. I know I can forgive him because I really do believe he is not right in the head right now. His personality has changed to the exact opposite of what it was. He was an amazing father and husband and now he has no interest at all in me or the kids.
I know I need to get on with my own life and I am trying but...
I have read everything that is on the web about MLC and know what I should be doing but I still break down and cry every time it hits me with how little care he has for me and the children. This was the man who loved his family more than anything and was always telling people how proud he was of us!
I cannot stop thinking about how I can 'wake him up" but I know deep inside that he has to do this himself.
We have a property development company that is doing well but we had a another company that we had to shut down a couple of years ago because it wasn't making any money and it had become too stressful for my husband to run two companies at the same time. I was relieved when we shut it down because I knew how much it was draining my H but I know he felt like he had failed and was very disappointed that he couldn't make it a success. He is a real Alpha male and believes he is the only one who can get things done so he takes a lot of responsibilities on his own shoulders. That has changed too as I don't think he is doing much work in between all the traveling. He is pushing to sell our family home but I am stalling as I figure that he can't spend bricks and mortar. Besides I don't need anymore big changes for me and the kids right now!
I could really use any insight you guys have on how to deal with him so that I don't make this situation any worse than it is already. The few times I have actually met with him over the last 7 months (you can count it on one hand) I try to be friendly and cheerful but then he will say something insensitive and I well up...
