Lou - I forgot to mention that yes, you have indeed raised good, good boys! The world will thank you for your contribution.
The real problem with the live-in MLCer is that they (completely) lack empathy and they have loose lips to boot. So you end up hearing all sorts of garbage. And it trash.
And boy does your h remind me of mine. Last year, I heard a LOT of what you just heard. And then, just to hammer it all home he wrote it all in a letter! His list of "demands" were ridiculous and immature. Trust me, I could have easily sent him a letter in kind just to point out that he is not Michelangelo's David.
Having gone through the same ordeal just one year ago, just remember: when someone hands you that kind of a grenade you don't hold on to it for one second. You put it all back on him.
I assume your phone is not ringing off the hook with calls from Calvin Klein asking for your h to model in a speedo? Talk about zero self awareness. And of course, his ideal is unreasonable. What if this perfect woman falls ill and cannot maintain that perfect figure? And what if HE falls sick and HIS appearance alters. Hogwash all of it.
Release all of that junk and move forward full tilt.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced