S22 rang me yesterday and invited me to go stay with him for a couple of weeks to have some time away to get my head sorted, which was really sweet of him. He said " you have always looked after me, now let me look after you", made me cry bless him. S19 has said I can stay with him until I get myself sorted out again, so I am not homeless and have breathing space to get a job so I can rent a flat.
What good boys you have raised!
My youngest hasn't spoken to his father in a year - nothing to do with me really, just issues between the two of them that came to a head in a big argument (although it doesn't help my ex's case that he apparently said some not nice things about me in the middle of their argument). My son expects to someday reconcile with his dad although he finds his life less stressful right now without his dad's negativity in it. My ex, who SHOULD be the adult parent in the relationship and attempt to repair the breach, has done almost nothing to try to reconcile.
Let your son have his experience. He has a right to be unhappy with his father and to make his own decisions.
Meanwhile - time for you to FLY my dear. Get some poster board and make a vision board of the things you want in your life - all the positive lovely stuff - and put it somewhere that you will see if every day. I really believe this kind of visualization works.
(I once wrote a list of 100 life goals, part of an exercise in a book. Years later I found it. Much to my surprise, one of the things I wrote was to play in a band. 10 years later, I had learned to play the drums and was playing in a band! I did NOT remember even thinking a thing about it in the past!)
