I absolutely agree with you all and overnight I could have written what job wrote with how I have been thinking about all of this.
He certainly is not done, his actions and words have screamed of the first time he left and I was already feeling the pressure from him to be someone I am not.
I feel he popped his head out the tunnel for a while and saw that his troops (me and the boys) were heading off, so he panicked and set about gather us all back together and putting is where he wants us to be. The only thing he has not worked out about doing this is that the first time around he smooshed us in to the ground before he left and we took a long time to pick ourselves up before we started wandering off, thus not getting very far away. This time we are already standing and know and are ready to start moving forwards, so by the time he re emerges from the tunnel next time (if he does) we will be long gone out of sight.
I have learnt my lesson, I fell for the biggest MLC trick in the book, I wont be falling for it again. If and I do mean a big IF he comes out of this and to be back in my life again then he will be having to move mountains for me, I am not going to put myself through this rejection and heartbreak again, this is twice now, enough is enough.
I have not closed the door on us, I don't think I ever will. Despite everything he has said and done I still saw glimpses of the old him, the caring, loving and fun him that I love so much. Its tragic that he is lost in the world he is in but its time for self preservation and moving on to find peace within my own life.
S22 has taken the news badly, he was not happy I allowed h back in to my life again and has pretty much said he wants nothing to do with him anymore - I hope that in time that will change, but that is for h to repair not me. S22 rang me yesterday and invited me to go stay with him for a couple of weeks to have some time away to get my head sorted, which was really sweet of him. He said " you have always looked after me, now let me look after you", made me cry bless him. S19 has said I can stay with him until I get myself sorted out again, so I am not homeless and have breathing space to get a job so I can rent a flat. In absolute desperation I know I can go back to the place I used to work at, but that really would be desperation level as one of the good things that has come out of this (and there are actually good things) is that it gave me the excuse and courage to leave my job that I really despised.
Another good thing is that it has helped me move forwards.
