However some days she feels distant from me and just wants to be alone and some days she is the opposite. My emotions are high and don't know what to expect. I know it will be long tough road ahead of us but how do we restore the passion that we once had for one another with me smothering her?
She is going through a process of mourning over the loss of the A, and becoming attached to her H again. She can't just switch overnight. I have observed many LBH's being focused on having sex, b/c he sees it as sealing the deal, so to speak. His first objective was to end the affair, and his second is to have sex with his WW. I'm sure you realize that men and women are not emotionally wired the same way, and it is especially true with a H who has a WW going through withdrawals from an A. (What was your sex life like before the A)?
You are right about not smothering her with your ever presence. At the same time, however, don't just ignore her. I suggest you focus on having fun times, instead of passionate........until she is a little further down the reconciliation road. Plan times to share fun activities, and do things as a family or in a group environment. Watch comedy shows, and stay away from sad romantic ones for a while. You will be dealing with a sad woman who will likely feel ashamed of herself. She will need a lot of support while going through withdrawals.
If she's like most of the WW's I've read about, a romantic atmosphere puts pressure on her. Currently, she does not need to deal with that type of pressure. This is the time to work on your friendship. That statement may startle some readers, b/c they don't normally hear me saying to be her friend. And as long as she displays disrespect toward you, I don't think you should try being her BFF. However, when you are reconciling the MR after the A has ended and she has agreed to work on the MR, and she has remorse for everything she's done....then that is where you start, IMO.
Btw, the 37 rules were not designed to implement during reconciliation of the MR.
I don't know if you were sleeping in separate bedrooms, but if so, both of you should sleep in the MBR. It is a step forward in the reconciliation, and will naturally lead to having sex sooner, IMO. Just don't initiate sex right away, and work more on the non-sexual touches.
I am cramming a lot into a thimble size post. Please give us some details about your marital history, ages, kids, etc.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
