The book of Lou - Chapter 6

[LoisB]

Hi Lou,

I just wanted to drop by and say how sorry I am to hear the turn of events. I'm so sorry for your pain and loss. I KNOW you can drum up the strength to make your life AMAZING. Loads better than it ever could be with someone so damaged, selfish and adolescent.

While he is fixated on the sexual attraction, like any 16-year-old boy would be, maybe you could fixate on how he FAILED miserably at showing himself as a grown man capable of a mature relationship. The concept that you could pick up like two 20-year-olds in heat, after all the pain he caused and all the baggage... is beyond the pale.

My exH bounced back on several occasions. They were light bounce backs, so it wasn't as profound as your sitch. Reliving the rejection all over again, though, is sooooooo painful. And, you have the added bonus of being humiliated.

In my opinion, this is blatent emotional abuse, MLC or no, and I cannot believe the therapist didn't call him on his B.S.

His immaturity alone is just jaw-dropping. Wow. And, WOW. How incredibly childish and selfish and adolescent. MLC isn't a free pass.

When my dad had his MLC and left my mom for his secretary, he wrote me a letter explaining how my mother's weight was the problem. I was 17. He said he wasn't sexually attracted to her any longer, because she let herself go. So, this issue is big for me.

One of my worst fears is discovering I really am gross or unsexy, non f-able... not worth having someone stick around. The my exH's OW has fake boobs and keeps her a size 2 with cigarettes and other drugs. I'm not a size 2 anymore. I have 5 years of a lot of stress and my body has aged. I'm working on healing and loving my body for bringing me safely through all this pain. I'm working on altering my idea of what beautiful is... It doesn't have to be a size 2 with perfectly perky boobs.

I think it's natural to have those insecurities after an affair and harsh rejection like we've all experienced.

I want to thank you for sharing your story on here. Reading along has helped me to see the reality behind he fears/insecurities.

I actually did some reading on male aging and sexuality after reading your latest developments. It's super shiddy to expect you to be the end-all-be-all to his aging body.

What your situation helped me see... men who rely solely on physical attraction are a-holes. Men you can see the value in all the other pieces of a relationship and/or try to build on the sexual... a-holes. Men who look at me as a number or an object. A-holes.

So, again, you have a chance to reinvent yourself. You didn't like the past job. It was too hard physically.

Someone asked me yesterday to visualize my life, when restored to sanity.

What does your life look like after you are healed from this latest foray into MLC-Land? Get specific. How does it feel to be healed and confident and loving your life, with no one around telling you how you are not sexually attractive?? What a d-bag.

You are BEAUTIFUL. It's easy to see here how AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL you are. If he is blind that beauty, he's just not worth your time.