I haven't yet replied, but I have regained my composure and feel centered again.
I think I finally get what's going on now. And being able to see this has helped me stand further back from the situation and not fee so caught up in it, or my feelings.
So, every time he us about to do something that he sees as significant, there are a flurry of bizarre FB posts from him and then he gets in touch with me by text. Any reason/excuse will do.
Because what it's really about is seeing how I react to his contact (it's only been by text since he left last October, which is good for me as I don't have to go with my initial reaction...which is still all over the place and doesn't allow me to step back enough).
They're all temperature checks.
So far, I think I've managed to be pretty neutral, and distanced after giving it plenty time and space to think about how I'm going to reply.
So, I have a feeling that he might throw a lot worse at me at some point in the future, to try and push that neutral reaction as far as he needs to so that he can get a reaction.
Any reaction at all from me, and he knows that he has my attention and energy (even just the handful of replies I have sent over the past year). Thinking about a reply and typing it is time and attention at a very basic level.
Any pleading and assuming all the responsibility for trying to fix things (like I did for a couple of years before October past) and he knows I would still like to be with him. Which means that he can still carry on with her, knowing he's got me dangling by a thread.
Make me lose my temper and be angry with him, and he gets to play the victim in all of this.
So what's left? Total zen. Or...
I chatted very briefly about it with my mum. She doesn't know what happened (about his waywardness), but I wouldn't be surprised if she's worked it out. She said just to ignore him completely and not even answer texts. Dignity in silence, that's her approach.
There's nothing he actually needs from me, and nothing he needs my help for...even getting divorced. He can carry the burden for all the decisions and for all the actions he takes.
I think I'm good with that. It frees me from all interactions with him, and from the possibility of all future interactions with him, which is like a huge relief.
It also means the attention, time and huge amount of energy I used for those interactions (even though they were very minimal) I can use on myself.
And, it will also give him a sense of what it's like with me *totally* out of his life.
