Court date set, still holding on (csabo part 2)

[csabo]

The last time we talked about it (he brought it up, not me) he said he missed me but that I'm unhealthy for him because he resents me for being "useless" (I have depression and for a while it was really bad and I really didn't do anything but lay in bed all day. That's where the no working, no cooking no cleaning thing that he complained about came from.) and that he doesn't see himself falling back in love with me ever.

But he had still occasionally been showing me affection and caring so I'm not sure I entirely believe that the love is gone, it's just covered by resentment. But he doesn't want to put in the effort to forgive me and grow affection again.

He sees himself as a failure due to a number of different things and since I was there while he was a failure it must be my fault somehow, and he knows that's not fair but that's how he feels. He resents me for his past failures and now that he's getting his life together he doesn't want me to be part of his success.

He told me I've been "kicking ass" and doing really well these past few months, but he resents me for that because I should have done it sooner.

What he fails to see is that I started doing better around the end of May, he just didn't see it full-blown until after he said divorce. I was gone for 2 weeks in the middle of June, so he really only had 2 weeks of me doing better before he said he was done.

It feels very hopeless to me. But then again, I felt very hopeless before the night he got drunk and said he missed me. So I have no idea how he's feeling based on what he says/how he acts.