I'm unsure as to what steps I need to take next, or just carry on doing what I'm doing?... I feel that I am treading water without progressing (although and equally, not going backwards).
Well, what are your goals? You should be working towards those!
Originally Posted By: RBG80
Is this normal, or have I missed out a stage that I should have gone through?
I woiuldnt worry about 'normalcy'. Just know that your feelings are going to cycle for a while. Over time, they will start to level out. Just take things day by day and dont try to measure yourself against anyone else.
Thanks Darkness, I'm just concerned that there is movement on this. Everything feels static. Should I be trying something else, should I wait longer and have more patience?... I just don't know.
My W appears to just not want anything to do with me. I guess this is normal?....
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
Is this normal, or have I missed out a stage that I should have gone through?
RBG80,
I think it's fairly normal, but the time period varies a bit. I don't think you're an outlier. And, you may experience some strong feelings of sadness again, but I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you're currently feeling.
When my wife moved out of the house, I very unexpectedly, felt a huge relief. I didn't want her to leave, but after she left, I was able to easily get things done. That's when I realized how often I gave-in to her wishes.
Thanks Darkness, I'm just concerned that there is movement on this. Everything feels static. Should I be trying something else, should I wait longer and have more patience?... I just don't know.
Its been like 2 months. You were married for years. So imagine how long it took to go from 'in love' to 'out of love'. This is going to take time. A lot of it. Stay patient and keep working towards your goals.
Thanks Guys. I'm trying the 'going dark' route but don't know when and if I'll get results - and subsequently how long to leave it.
I have received a very polite and friendly email from the W this afternoon stating that she is going to receive some state benefit for childcare costs and therefore she's said that I can reduce my payments (which I felt was very fair). This doesn't seem the actions of a WW to me - thoughts ladies and gents?....
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
I have received a very polite and friendly email from the W this afternoon stating that she is going to receive some state benefit for childcare costs and therefore she's said that I can reduce my payments (which I felt was very fair). This doesn't seem the actions of a WW to me - thoughts ladies and gents?....
My xW can be very rational and thoughtful sometimes and completely irrational at other times. I think it has something to do with the direction of the wind and the alignment of various heavenly bodies. In other words, I wouldn't read much into it.
I think I have had a moment of acceptance. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT, however I have accepted that this is the situation that I'm in for the moment.
Things may change in the future, the W may think that she has made a mistake; she may retain her stance that this is the option she wants to stay with. But for the moment, this is the way it is.
I see no way at the moment as to how things could even move forward. I will continue my counselling, keeping my distance and continue and continue to develop myself in the hope that this makes a difference to the W - if not, I hope that it leaves me in a better place to continue on my own journey.
As always, any comments and or feedback greatly apprecaited.
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
My only comment at the moment RBG is when you say you will continue to develop yourself in the hope that it makes a difference to your W.
My question to you is are you doing it for you or for her?
I see you working on you while looking over your shoulder to see if she is watching. By all means, leave the door open but don't stand holding it, walk away from it with your head up into a future that you want. You can become the best guy out there and she could still go down her own path. If you are doing things to hope to see a reaction then they will not stick, change your mindset to what you want and those changes will stick.
I see no way at the moment as to how things could even move forward. I will continue my counselling, keeping my distance and continue and continue to develop myself in the hope that this makes a difference to the W - if not, I hope that it leaves me in a better place to continue on my own journey.
If you set goals and work towards them, then of course you will wind up in a better place.
Speaking of which, have you started setting goals?
