I worry about the effects on the kids, the development of the OM in town and possible future relationship with my kids, but I can't control it. I just get to choose how I react and respond.
Advice? Comments? Let me know. I'd love to hear from people.
If this is the OM that contributed and participated in the destruction of yours and your kid's family, the kids should be made fully award of his presence locally.
They already have one wayward parent so, in contradiction and as a way of compensating for such, you should be the parent that will ALWAYS be honest and transparent with them. No secrets.
They are victims of OM's choices and behavior. They should know that and then be free to choose whether or not they want to have any relationship with him in the future with full knowledge.
Sure your ex might not like that but you are in charge of your "honest" household so she can get bent all she wants at her house.
Affair relationships always end eventually so it won't last forever anyway but, for the time being, telling your kids will allow them to protect themselves in the event OM is some kind of predator. Men who pursue married women with small children are statistically much more likely to be predators than the general population. Honest information helps protect children who may be naive otherwise. It's also a teaching moment. They don't have to like OM but they still need to be respectful of their mother and her (hurtful) choices.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
