Court date set, still holding on (csabo part 2)

[csabo]

Yesterday (Oct 31) was my birthday. I found out (through snooping, I know, I know...) that he had a "first date with a girl from a dating site" for breakfast yesterday morning. He said it was "disappointing all around" and that that's what he wanted.

So, it is upsetting that he's on dating sites, which I knew already, but a little weird that he wanted the date to not go well. I'm not sure what he wants.

Trying to just live my life and not worry about it. I know I should stop snooping, but it's addictive and sometimes it feels helpful when I can find out about upsetting things before he tells me so I can have a breakdown without him seeing it. But I suppose if I stopped snooping, maybe the stupid things he does would get less upsetting?

I only have 2 months left to get him to at least pause the divorce...

I'm not sure what else to do since I did manage to make progress and get him to say he misses me, but then he "took it back" and I'm kinda feeling like...what if that was it? What if that was as good as I could do and it wasn't good enough?

Trying to detach...I got super sucked back in when he said he missed me.

But, I did get drunk with him and some friends on Sunday, we were at d&d and the group got me a bottle of amaretto for my birthday, and I didn't act clingy to him or tell him I loved him or that I missed him or anything like that. I didn't even hang out with him when we got home, I had my friends come pick me up and I left the house again. So, I think that was a step in the right direction again.