WW, My Addiction, My D, my new life...

[trumpet]

Another 3 mile run in the books. I'm on pace for my Turkey Trot 5K on Thanksgiving.

Had a good cry today. I don't miss EX-WW. It's the emotions that come with the destruction of the marriage and family.

My addiction is part of the divorce soup. I'm owning my shnit, and owning my failures means I feel sorrow over it. I know, indirectly, I've hurt the kids, and that makes the tears flow. Owning this feels right... I'm not perfect, I had/have a big flaw, I'm sorry and apologetic for it, and want to move forward.

I still feel caught in EX-WW's orbit, like I'm still in an plutonian orbit around the supernova of the marriage. I haven't reached escape velocity yet. The thrusters are the GAL's and tough work on myself. Each time I do the hard work, I get a little boost, and I move farther out in the orbit. I'm not ready to be serious with a woman right now - I'm still not 100%, the boosters are still firing intermittently. However, a coffee meet-up? Maybe a concert with someone? I'm ready for that. THAT, my friends, is GAL'ing, and I need it.

I still spend time doing a post-mortem of the marriage. It does help when I focus on my side. I've done too much work on EX-WW's side, and I think I have the basic structure of it... but I get led to dive for more of the 'why's' and 'how's'... cheeseless tunnel, frankly. Gotta stop. Part of achieving escape velocity in my life will be accepting what happened, dropping the rope as we like to say, and walking the other way.

I do find my most productive healing when I focus on how to calm my soul, and my faith life is making the biggest change in that regard.

I'm working on looking ahead to the holidays, and having a plan before the middle of Dec. hits and it sinks in I'll be alone on Thanksgiving, xmas, and new years... EX-WW has kids all three days. Yes, it's unfair. Yep, that's life. Big boy pants time. I will have them all three days next year.