In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck

[Huddy]

Me and NDY were discussing the signs of MLC. We're both convinced that neither of our W's is showing the signs that others see. For me, I don't see any form of regret, frustration, despair or depression. All I see, and have seen is anger, although there was some depression at the start.

Instead, my W keeps telling my D that we can 'never live in the same house' (my D hid in my flat and did a drawing to give to W about wishing we all lived together and then hid it in her going home bag, so she could 'give it to Mummy') and has booked a holiday for herself and the kids next year.

Even now, when she picked up the kids, who were telling me how much they love me and miss me, she just skirts over the issue and walks away. In fact, she bundled them in the car and drove away at speed so they couldn't wave to me (it's dark here, so they normally stand beside the car park lights to wave).

Coupled with last weeks 'Daddy doesn't care about us anymore' line (I guess you know that's the farthest point away from the truth!), I'm just hoping that this is button pushing, rather than her deepest feelings.

I know a lot of this is guilt on her part, but I don't know how much more of this constant barrage on my senses I can take. I'm wrestling with cutting my losses, even though I don't want to. I have had a couple of days of anxiety dreams again (why do these bloody things pop up every few months!) and my sleep is erratic. I keep telling myself that I have done all the work to correct the list of things she said about me when she left (some is vanity for her, but I guess we all have flaws we don't notice)and I can't do anything else.

Just can't get rid of the pain in my heart. I have, as far as I can see 'let her go' and she's doing her own thing. I don't interfere in her life, call, visit or anything. I can see things that will crop up for her, financially, in the coming few months which I don't think she's thought about, but I'm just going to let her handle it. I don't see any warmth or feelings, it's hell.