Building my life...

[Mozza]

Lurking! I came here for the first time in weeks and saw your name up there and I needed to know what was up to you.

First of all, congratulations for your courage! It takes a lot of it to do what you did with her, to reach out, make yourself vulnerable and show interest. Plus, what's thrilling is that it didn't fall on your lap: it was a strong attraction and you acted on it. You never cease to amaze me.

My advice is to take it slow. I didn't quite know what it meant until I went too fast with the girl I identified as New Girl on these forums. I would ask her to be my girlfriend, yes I was impatient to get to bed, I would say ILY quickly, I wanted her to meet my parents, I was planning to introduce her to the kids, etc. I was doing all this because I wanted the relationship to progress, not because the relationship was progressing naturally.

Now I'm with someone new, for four months, and I haven't done any of this and things progress more naturally. She's met some of my friends because the events made it happen. I haven't said ILY, neither has she, but we spend a lot of time together (most of when I don't have the kids). I don't add any pressure on what's happening. I don't even decide that this one is serious, I just observe that it's been exclusive and going on for four months. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

I agree that it isn't time to introduce her to your kids. I've dated several women in the last year, but none lasted more than five months and I've never introduced the kids. When you do, I suggest that you start by introducing her as a friend and, ideally, in a public place (park?) where they can have their own activities and space. After a few times, you can say something about the two of you being partners or something.

I thought my kids would see right through it if I did that, but I once had a female friend over for lunch and, while the kids met her for the first time, they never asked questions. It made me realize I could do it eventually with a new GF.

Hope this helps. It's nice to hear from you.

PS: While infatuation is a bad reason to leave your spouse and kids behind, it's a wonderful thing to feel when you're legitimately available. Enjoy!