Your mindset is interesting because you vent this criticism..."she let the kids stay up too late" only to shortly after acknowledge what a beautiful family moment was experienced. Why is that? Why do you have to fault find ? Why couldn't you come out and say, "hey I feel bad for being so upset with my wife when maybe she was right in choosing that beautiful family moment over the scheduled bed time"
By any chance would your wife feel frusturated with you for never being able to communicate an apology or admit when your wrong?
I was certainly not attempting to throw stones. Truth is, the resentment and anger and disengagement that you have for your wife is very similar to how my husband acted torwards me before he left. I can tell you , it was very traumatizing for me. I will never be able to forgive him for the way that he treated me. Kids pick up on what is being experienced by both parents, and my son was/is certainly exposed to this as well. I am sure your wife senses your resentment and withdrawal and I can tell you, it will not help your situation, only worsen it.
So while my behavior during my marriage was different from your wives, it was certainly behavior I am not proud of. And I do feel I can offer you the wife's perspective. The goal of your situation is to not really to find things wrong with your wife, it's to make for a better marriage right?
I will tell you, something that a poster told me...
There is nothing worse then divorce.
Every one loses.
You might feel like it's an easy way out and that nothing can be worse then your current situation. But the process and aftermath is horrible for all the family. It does not get easier. So while it is obvious that you do not currently love or have affection for your wife, you once did and you can choose to love her again. Because love really is a choice.
Anyway you are here but if you ever participated in sports, I'm sure you know that just showing up isn't enough. It's actually doing the work and opening up to your own faults and contributions. Being humble. Facing the ugly in the mirror.
I think zues has great perspectives on marriage and it would be great to read some of his posts. I think that reading Lims posts would also be helpful as he is working on forgiving his wife for much worse transgressions then yours.
