Me and Mildlife and...III

[CT1118]

The DB principals are based on communication and doing what works.

This is true. While what I did say actually worked, as in it turned her response towards me and my feelings for the first time in who knows when, that was not my intention. My intention was just being...actually, no intention, just a human responding to a human approached. No expectation, no anticipation, no prerecorded response at this point. This was despite the fact that I was speaking with honesty and unconcerned with what worked or what did not, just my truth. However, your point is one hundred.
I do wish to ask, is this where the truth meets the training? Where I am at? Where one is just one? I am not saying abandon the program and stop learning, rather where you just know what you can express of your belief in you and know what you say, in the face of whatever you face, is going to come out like you mean it, because you do? I really feel like I am on the outer edge of myself, perhaps further, hopefully further, JC I hope further. I'm not bleeding anymore.

What I sense from your post is a bit of punishing her, which I can understand. IMO, you may need to determine what you really want. It seems like opportunities have presented themselves to you that may have given you an opportunity to show her the new you. Do you want this opportunities?

That [censored] b/c I reported as honestly as I could recall it all, which was as honest as my journal afterwards, and punishing her is exactly what I did not seek/want. That said, trust is not free, nor a given, in any relationship, and in the relationship with you and I have my feelings of your opinions are respected as much as if they were as intrinsic, even more knowing they are desired to be as instinctual.

The subtleties of your corrections above showed me that I am not far off target, yet show me that I still have work to hit the target. Cut & pasted into my digital journal of where I can do better (of course you know the learning here is not just about W, but better communication with all people, so I save it).

Yes, I do want these opportunities. What I think I did correctly in that exchange: for the first time in a long time, she acknowledged my feelings as a person and not the me-monster. I want to acknowledge these opportunities in way...a way which makes it part of her journey, not my controlling nature. Feels like a fine hair. This is my true intention though. I do not want to fix. I do not want to control. I do not want to need. If she asks and seeks these answers embedded in her statements, I do believe she has to ask directly, as the answers have to be a part of her journey, and not solely for mine, if at all for mine (I am not not even one hundred I feel like I need to give them any more).

Not judging buddy – just asking.

Because you are who you are. Because Mach1 is who he is. Because of the challenges presented...and most importantly because I was closed before I open, I do not see this as judging. To the contrary, I once thought it altruism. Now I just see it as friend - as in a bond that is mutual, and for me, the respect of friend means something mighty, strength and honor as mulesqb would say.

I am glad you had a good time with your son.

What I know...
I only have to be great at one great thing once and that is me, so that I may teach him to be great at all things always him - and how to handle it when he is not. He is the champion over me. Thanks. I had him all this past weekend, I have him all next weekend. The fact that I do came from a simple question you asked me.