I'm sorry for not replying to everyone's kind comments. I have read them all.
I've had a very bad few days. I'm feeling all over the place.
On top of it, I got a text message. He's leaving on Saturday.
He didn't say where and for how long, but he's going to work in New York with her until the end of January. So they'll be spending Christmas and New Year there.
Anyway, it was to say that we should have a conversation about how long is left to pay on the mortgage at some point.
This is Monday, and he's leaving on Saturday. What the actual? Like dropping some sort of bomb right there and then running away?!
I've not answered.
Legally I know that he has to provide financially for me if we're still married (on paper at least). I have no idea what to say back to that.
He's essentially running away again. Dropping a bombshell and running away. Leaving me to deal with it all. With the added pressure of replying before Friday/Saturday.
I was at work, with a few minutes to spare before a meeting with my boss.
I went into the toilet to get away from everyone and ended up having a panic attack there.
I emailed my boss from the toilet and apologised for being late. I told her I was having a panic attack (she doesn't know my situation). I told her it was nothing to do with the work I'm doing.
When I got to the meeting she was really understanding and told me she was full of admiration for me. She caught me a bit off guard, and I tried to assure her again that it definitely wasn't the work I was doing that caused the panic attack. And she said that it was to deal with anxiety the way I do that she was talking about.
Anyway, after work, I decided to go for a shot of whisky in a small pub on the way to do my own work. I had a nice time having a bit of a laugh with two guys who were very obviously both chatting me up (what an ego boost...me in my work clothes...having been crying in the toilets a couple of hours before!). They kept offering to buy me a drink, but I very kindly refused and said I was going to be heading off after I finished the one I had bought myself. I shared a few jokes, a little light hearted political chat and was on my way. One of them said it had been a pleasure to meet me and shook my hand.
Bumped into one of the people I share a workspace with. A very lovely girl I'd connected with a bit a couple of times we'd chatted briefly. I told her what had been going on and we chatted for ages. She was lovely and full of wisdom (her partner had left her 10 years ago after a miscarriage. He had also had an affair. Really horrible) . Anyway, she was so lovely and I feel like I've made a good friend there.
This is all so excruciatingly difficult. I don't know what to do.
