It is the FIRST email that I had with Jeff. For those who don't know. I couldn't post because the interactive part of the boards were blocked for me at work. I could however read along.
These emails became my lifeline...
Words of wisdom ???
It kept me going, so it was all wisdom...
Couple of heavy hits to get out of the way.
A high number of MLCers have affairs. Not saying yours is, just something to bear in mind. Figure out what your breaking point is. I thought an affair was mine, turns out it wasn't. Being lied to over and over was.
There are no guarantees. Even if you did everything by the book, there are no guarantees.
I am a firm believer in DBing or DRing...whatever...you want to call it. But I am also a firm believer in standing up for yourself. And that is a huge balancing act at times. DBing is about becoming a better person...its a self help book. You help yourself you look more attractive.
Piecing...is harder than standing or waiting. If you think this succks, just wait.
This one is going to succk. 9 months seems like a long time, it isn't. Can you handle that? If you can make it from day to day, you can handle it. If you look down the road your going to want to give up.
Will you get your marriage back?
Ask yourself that question.
I always said yes.
Always, right up until I was done.
I always knew it would work out.
Stupidly, but that kept me going, just knowing that deep down, I was going to successful, I wasn't going to fail.
How about you?
Going to hit some points.
I am glad that you say your in the anger phase. Because it seemed that way in reading your email. Angry about her, and toward her.
Can she tell, in your interactions or non verbal communications with her?
Use your anger as your shield not your sword.
Use your anger to fuel your: "I don't care what you do." But not to fuel your coldness toward her in your limited contact. Your coldness shouldn't radiate outward.
Your changes she isn't going to believe in anytime soon. Don't give them up, otherwise she is right not to believe them. "Too little to late," means she dosen't think they will last, and is almost a challenge to you. "Too little?" Don't fu#$ing believe it. "Too late?" Prove her wrong. And "Too late" for who? Her? Screw her, the changes are for you anyway, right? They had better be.
Yeah, she pissed because it took you this long to do it, and willing to bet she thinks your just doing it to keep her around. Which...really you are at first. But I hope you come to realize that work is work, and family is EVERYTHING. Kids are only kids for a short time before they turn into teenagers.
Her blaming you is pissing you off, it is a button. Realize this, she is pushing your buttons because she knows how you are going to react. Change it; change how you react. Don't be defensive don't get uptight don't even correct her.
Your reference to a direct question...you mean a direct question about your realationship?
Stop asking those questions.
If you mean do you like mac and chesse...then...I don't know what to tell you.
Critical of everything she did...she blames you for everything...See a pattern?
Overtime, we reflect each other. Sooo...succk it up and start showing her what nice is. Take all her crap and be nice, and when she dishes out more crap be nice. Almost like piecing. Biting your tongue, learning to talk correctly.
Time is on your side, it really is.
A WAW would walk away, and move on, that's what I did. Done over gone. I was done when nothing changed all the talks led to more talks but no change all the chances blown.
She is in the same house, she has not walked away.
The hard part...f*ck man all of this is the hard part.
Stop reacting when she pushes your buttons. Don't use your anger in the wrong manner.
Believe you can do this. Show your wife a new way and allow for a long time before she changes...
Don't point anything out to her. Do not say I have changed. Prove everything through actions, not words. Be consistent, she is looking for you to fail to justify her actions.
Any of that help?
I don't remember if I answered the last question or not....
