ExW seems to still be in replay. I have noticed recently though that she tends to be more open and friendly around me when no one else is around, but very standoff-ish when OW is around and this is a very new change in behavior. They met just over two years ago and this week marks the anniversary two years ago when they declared their growing love for one another (via a very long distance online EA) -- which I discovered immediately which resulted in BD for me.
Sometimes she also seems to be back to emotional cycling -- up, down, all over the place... I recognize this behavior in her and know what it is so when I see it I do my best to steer clear and not interact with her unless absolutely necessary.
What I do feel really wonderful about is that this time last year (one year anniversary of BD) I had a significant anxiety attack for a few days. This week -- nothing... AND I am no longer on any meds so to not feel the anxiety now is even more significant.
My recent solo vacation was absolutely amazing... it was so nice to get away for a few days, be alone, and see a part of the country that I have always wanted to visit. I have been needing something like this for two years and I am so glad I finally did it. I did a lot of reading, praying, and lots of walking alone in nature... so perfect.
I also came home from the trip understanding that I do still feel some anger and pain, but I am feeling stronger and more confident that I have the tools and support I need to continue growing through all of this. I do wish that I hadn't gotten involved with my friend because I know that relationship slowed down the process I am going through, but that is just another lesson learned the hard way in all of this.
My time with the kids has been much more enjoyable over the past month now that it's just me and them on my weeks. We have been dealing with some behavior issues with two of the kids, but these issues are also giving my ExW and I the opportunity to work on our communication and cooperation skills with each other -- and in that I have also been able to observe that my ExW is still resistant to accepting responsibility for anything she does and is resistant to anything that might force her to be introspective. (Another clue to me that we are a long way from the end of this crisis.) I do feel like my efforts to deal with the behavior issues are giving me the opportunity to strengthen my relationship with my kids which feels incredibly wonderful. I know this situation hurts them and will always affect them, but if I can build and maintain a strong relationship with each of them then I hope I can lessen the impact at least a little bit.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
