Yes, I really believe it! I don't come here to offer up sugar coated advice and support. I do not believe in saying things that will only make you feel better just so that you can get through the day. I believe in being as honest as I can be w/the posters and w/people IRL. I see someone who is drinking far too much Kool-Aid that her h is giving her and you need to stop drinking that mess.
I want you to think about something today and hopefully it will bring you a bit of comfort to know that the Disney OW isn't all that confident about herself. She's trying to please your h by being fun and doing things w/your children. She's trying to convince him that she's right there for him and will do everything in her power to keep him focused on her. She knows that the relationship is based on a house built on sand, i.e., lies and the affair. She also knows, that at any time he could walk away and return home to you or even meet someone else for that matter. She can't compete w/you or the number of years you and your h were together. She can't compete w/the wonderful/happy memories that you and your h have together and she certainly can't compete w/you because you are the mother of his children. She knows that at any time her world could and will come crashing down. But, it all takes time. I may be wrong, but I think she's jealous of what you and your h had and shared w/each other. Rouky, you don't need to compete w/her. You had the best years of your h's life. What does she have? A broken man, a man who lives behind lies, a man who left his wife and children and is having an affair w/Disney OW. He's not the person you knew and the one she has...well...I wouldn't want to be walking around in his shoes.
So, I would strongly suggest that you put down that glass of Kool-Aid that your h served you and take a good, long, hard look in the mirror. The woman I see, from your postings, isn't a bad person at all. I see someone who has been rocked to the core and is trying to recover her footing. I see a woman who loves deeply, not only her children but her h too. Please, please stop drinking the Kool-Aid. I want you to dump that mess out, pick yourself up and say each and every day..."I am a great mom, I love my children very much and will do everything I can to ensure that they are safe and happy. I am a great person who deserves better and I'm going to make each day better and better for myself. I have so much to be thankful for and I will continue on my own life's journey w/or w/o my h in it. I'm going to open my arms and embrace each day and I am up for whatever challenge comes my way." The more positive and confident you are, the more positive things and people will come your way.
When we come here, we all feel that our spouses never had any intention of saving the marriage. How could we feel any different? They are depressed, confused, unhappy and very dissatisfied w/their lives. We can't convince them otherwise, even though we spent a long time w/them. They have to go on this journey to figure things out. Sure, some don't return, but I've seen plenty IRL that divorce and then remarry a few years after their crisis ends and the marriages are better than ever. Some wake up and want to return home...but you, Rouky, will be the one to determine whether you want to try again. You are not a stupid woman for believing in love and that it conquers all.
Is your h truly happy? Well, it may appear that way. Maybe the brass ring hasn't tarnished yet and it's all still new to him. When the novelty of the affair and the fun and games begin to wane, that's when he'll seek other things to make him happy. He'll continue to hit the brick wall over and over again and then one day, he may very well realize that the brick wall isn't going to give him what he wants. Sure, people can be happy w/material things and continue to buy and buy, etc., but at the end of the day, they are just "stuff". The person is still unhappy because happiness comes from within. At the end of the day, you are the one that will be happy because your happiness comes from within and not from material things or being w/someone. Sure, we all would like to have that special person in our lives to share things with, but that doesn't mean you need them there to happy w/yourself. The consequences of his actions will come...but it's a while down the road.
Yes, Rouky, you deserve to be happy and you are the only one that has control over how to do it. First order of business...dump the glass of Kool-Aid down the drain, then make a list of things/projects/hobbies that you would like to do and also make a list of those items that you would like to do, but have never done before (time to think outside the box). It's time to think about Rouky and how she wants to live her life for today. Keep your focus on one day at a time.
You can do this!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
