Me and Mildlife and...III

[CT1118]

Sitch in a moment. Today s5 and I met up with the kid who he was in NICU w/ for 2 months and that kids dad. Did a swamp trail which for November it was way hot and filled with mosquitoes. But e made the best, did the trail, kids played at the park after, and then hit some tacos at a Mexican joint. S5 would later tell me "this was an awesome weekend Daddy, the best ever". I am not one to leave the bar set where it is for long, but that was great to hear. I have him all next weekend too, which I am already looking forward too.

To continue from my last thread, I said I did not intend to answer my spouse's email and that was true. I saw no need, nor point. The way I felt about it, my answer would have been control seeking and that is what I am seeking not to do. But...

She came over to drop him off on Saturday morning. She came in (actually s5 opens the door, which I do not mind, this is his place too, if she shows up alone, I expect a knock, w/him, he can walk in as long as I know the time to expect them) and, as always, began commenting about how clean the place was -its been months, but this is still somehow shocking that I desire to live in a clean place. Earlier that morning, she had texted and asked if it was ok that we ate some breakfast together and if she joined s5 and I for the Halloween thing in the city - why not. I was not overly excited or feigning anything, just you want to join, ok.

I had the tv on some music as I do on Saturday mornings. Told I had not walked the dog yet, wait in the apartment while I walk the dog. I come back up and she was walking out of my bedroom. She had never been in my apartment bedroom. There is a small hallway to a bathroom and then to my bedroom, but a door distinguishes that it is certainly private space from the rest of the apartment. She said "sorry, I need some hand lotion" I said "did you use the good stuff or the cheap stuff". Her answer indicated she had been in the bathroom - she named the good stuff. I really did not care, not cause of anything about, just that I truly did not care.

We drive the 1 mile to the downtown and park. Walking to breakfast here and I are just talking about things in the window's of shops. Our s5 kept interrupting, nothing new, he cannot help it. Near our destination, he interrupts and she says "Can your father and I just have a conversation just once?", then she turns and walks away and says to herself, "I mean that's why we are not able to be together right now." I do not think our son heard her, I barely did.

Go in, sit down, order. Small talk happens. School for s5 talk happens. Unprompted, she asks, "Did you get my email?" (this would refer to my last sitch update). "I did. I would rather not discuss this with our son here", I said. "Well, when, not like we see each other a lot, and you didn't answer...". Me, "If you want to know what I think, you should ask. Your email made many assumptions about what I think, what hurt me, what I need. How would you know, you never asked, not once. I am not going to give you this information unless you ask, as I do not feel I can without you getting defensive, questioning my motives, or thinking I seek to hurt you." She said,"I suppose I made you feel that way, that you can't say such things to me. I made you feel that way from how I have responded in the past?" Me, "That is true in as far as I have perceived it". "Maybe that is because I am not able to ask." A natural ending when the waiter delivered.

Eating. Food is great, should be, place had a rep for great breakfast. "I really miss you", she said. Me, very matter of fact,"What?" Her, "I really miss you. I miss spending time with you. You may not believe that, but I do" Me,"I miss you to, but it seems beyond that right now." Her "I just don't know what to do anymore, I just..." a waiter came up to ask how our meal was. That's where it ended in terms of that conversation. We did not pick it up the rest of the meal. S5's video on my phone ended. He began talking with us again, we finished, we left.

We took s5 around the city blocks and trick or treated. It was fun, he had fun. We ran into a mutual friend at the performance part with some clowns and acrobats. I drove us back to my place. As she was leaving she asked if we could "family hug" my s5 jumped on it, so I partook. She kissed my cheek b/c I turned away, she was going for lips. Neither one of us mentioned the distinguishing motion.

That was that. As said before, had a great night with my boy. Had a great night as a dad. The story above, posted in honesty. I said that I intended or did not want to say anything, but things went down as they did. There it is. Not really feeling much as I type other than a desire to be honest about the sitch. No contact today, and that was fine, perhaps even outright desired by me. Boy is in bed. "This was an awesome weekend Daddy, the best ever". That sits in my head.