How do you feel when you see H interacting with your kids? How do you feel when you both chuckle over your comment of you changing your mind 7 times a day?
Love is little things like this, Sara. Love is deciding to fight for the M when you don't feel like it. When your S is being downright unlovable.
It seems like there is love, Sara. Just not the 'OMG, I need to jump into bed with you right now and I will die without you' kind of love. Perhaps this applies to your H too.
The next time this type of convo comes up, maybe you can tell H about how you feel when you go through the ordinary, mundane routine of life with him and your kids? (I am assuming that there are warm fuzzy feelings here. )
I am not a therapist but I feel that a lot of your stresses are situational stresses. Crazy careers, living apart, 3 young children below 6.
Situational stresses are situational and not permanent.
If your H is suffering from withdrawal and not in an actual A, I would suggest speaking his LL, building up the emotional bond between the 2 of you and minimising things that will create friction.
You know the spiel by now: Take care of yourself/ Detach/ GAL Keep on even keel/ little expectations Stfu/ Validate Monitor and adjust Do what works
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
)