Its Sunday evening here in NZ Zues. I drop by often to see if you have posted. You were on my mind as I travelled through my day today. I wondered if I ever sent an invitation out for you to attend a special event in my life if you would accept or decline. I would be forever hopeful that you would but I think likely you would not. And then I see your new post and I read it and think, maybe this is a sign that I might be wrong. Chicago!! The NZ Rugby Team is playing Ireland there next weekend. Hahaha. I am coming to Chicago to watch them play.
Then another sign, this link will take you to a NZ film about man who loved chess, but who lived a life of pain and being misunderstood by others. It is a true story. Please know that it is a dark film at times, but there is light there if you look for it. http://www.nzfilm.co.nz/film/the-dark-horse.
Please know I am not ignoring your full post, but I feel there are others here, who hold the voice of challenging you to move forward to find love. And while I want that for you so very much, I feel that, for now you need your beliefs and process as a life raft to see you this part of your journey.
It also feels to me that you feel the need to repeat your position to us, and I worry that by doing so we in someway support you to maintain the neutral pathways to go over the same ground, which only allows you to remain attached to your thoughts and feelings about your position on love, relationships and women. I know its controlling of me to want something for you that you don't want for yourself, so I lovingly bow to you and will no longer seek you to ask for more than what you want for yourself.
Can I make one observation though, with your permission. You observed of yourself that most of the people with whom you post or post to you are women. Are we? Am I really a Universe away from you? A bridge of difference that cannot be crossed. My sense is the universe of women is but an arms length away, and the bridge, well in my observation is no more than the distance of crossing the street. You cross it every day with each and everyone of us. Is there something in this worth exploring? to grow from?
When you are ready, I think my friend, this narrative you have constructed about you and woman an untruth and myth constructed. How do I know it's an untruth..because I am here, feeling connected to YOU. How quickly I forget, that I promised not to push, but to respect. You are consolidating the enormous changes you have experienced.
As for your reference to my sense of being Charlie, and you talking about someone coming from the inside out to you. I feel like I have, I have been standing right next to you the whole time Zues, and you just never noticed I was there. That I am here.
So much love for you Zues.
PS. Maybe Sunny will leave a baby alligator with the bartender, at Red Shoes Billards. Likely if you want it, all you will have to do is ask for it!! I might even help Sunny sneak it in.
