Last night was terrible. He had just downloaded some new porn that he hadn't seen yet and he wanted to go see it in the computer room. He closed the door shut as he went in. I pissed me off and it really hurt me. Our baby was awake and he'd rather go look at this porn to see if it was "good quality" porn so he could keep it or delete it.
I wanted some attention from him for me and my son, but instead he's more interested in his porn.
I got my son's diaper bag and my son and headed out to the car. My SO came out after us. I got my son strapped in his carseat. My SO got in the drivers seat and he wouldn't get out. He wouldn't let us go. He said that if anyone was leaving it would be him and my son. He said that my son would never leave him. I started getting loud and he said if I came back into the house we'd talk about it. So I did.
Then he starts talking like I'm the bad one. That I tried to leave with his kid so he doesn't trust me now.
I've never really been able to trust him. He's done [censored] behind my back many times also, but he doesn't see it that way. He wants me to accept him for being him. He says that I'll never get my son. That I can only visit him. I didn't know that the state would let a child stay with someone who does (or wants to do) pot and spends most of his time (other than work) on the computer playing computer games and looking at porn. He thinks he can take better care of our son than I can, and I've taken care of him all his life.
I know my SO doesn't respect me. I don't want my son growing up thinking it's ok to treat women like that. I don't want my son growing up thinking it's ok to do or want to do drugs even if it's pot it's still a drug.
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel trapped.
