Phase 2 contd (2)

[ciluzen]

You've got good advice coming in, Feyth. You've got this. I know it seems like we should explain our actions when we feel that our S is possibly misinterpreting our actions and that scares us into believing that we're screwing up our chances of R. But here's the thing (which we already know).

That's all mindreading. Or attempting to. Don't do it. You'll make yourself crazy.

You know you have to swap your dog. Check.
You know you will see H. Check.
You know you will need to exchange greetings and pleasantries because you are polite. Check.
You know you need to look fantastic because ...Sandi's rules! Check.

All else is mind reading or pursuing. Remember, counterintuitive. If you say to yourself, "I think I should" or "I feel I should" then you probably shouldn't. If H tries to say anything go with the soft rule of "listen, validate, but if it becomes D talk, verbal attacks or dark emotion...you've got places to go, elsewhere to be". You do, actually. You need to go treat yourself...run, get some ice cream, see a movie, see a friend, curl up with a good book and a glass of wine (I like "adult special" hot chocolate or a small bit of scotch, myself).

Basically, here's that darn word again...detach. Just make it a thing you do, no emotion, just a task. Think shallowly, breath deeply, feel...like you really are excited for the treat you will be enjoying AFTER the task. And don't try to read his mind. When I start attempting to mind read, I now like to picture a scene from the awful movie "Scanners" (google it) where people had their heads blow up. It stops me quite quickly.

And use your L. Respond, and use to their full extent.Think, don't feel during the legal stuff.