Cherry. He's gone, and divorce is looking

[Surfer]

Then don't, nosey neighbour role. Just "keep calm and carry on Cherry".

Surfer.

[Cherry]

Actually went better than I thought. Made sure I was looking good today, despite a touch of morning sickness. I dressed good, made sure I fixed my long mane, and made sure I was in a good upbeat and confident mood. I did note a few males checking me out as I walked to the hospital, a nice little ego boost. I kept chat general and we had a few jokes, he seemed to mood match me. Baby is doing good so very happy with that. I told him he could go while I saw the doctor, he said it was okay he'd wait and come with me. That surprised me as last time he couldn't get away fast enough. He even offered a lift home. He didn't want a pic of the sonogram, but I didn't expect he would.

All in all it went okay, and to be honest, I wasn't really even faking it. The amount of things he has done recently, I've kind of let go of the hope he will come back. Of course I know I do still love him, and I would love if my m would work. But I know I'm starting to adjust to my life, and prepare for one on which he doesn't come back into. So building a kind of friendship of r for our children is more important right now.

To summarise, I guess no expectations, or at least no positive expectations really does help

[JksD]

Sounds good, Cherry!

[Surfer]

Great stuff!!!! Well done. Very, very proud of you. Keep it up!

Build those good memories and fun times with him. I suppose that is piecing...IDK, I don't think its time for me, or you, to understand all that yet.

Surfer.

[Cherry]

Thank you guys
I admit I was pretty proud of myself, maybe it's because at my first scan he didn't say a single word to me, at all. Whereas today we had a few laughs, general conversation (non relationship/family, I was keen to stay way away), there wasn't any awkward silences. Still I am in no means getting any kind of hopes up. Maybe he can sense my "oh whatever mood". But I did well to channel that while still being friendly, that my friends is a skill.

Surfer, I'm not entirely sure if I will ever get to piecing with him. But I know that I do want to be able to be in a room together and be nice to one another for my sake of my children. And for them, I'll do anything! He called me to see if he could come to see S, o said sure we were just about to eat, and did he want some (I'd made a proper homemade curry, he loves that, and it was just by chance he came at that time, I had no idea he was calling round. I am also an amazing cook if I say so myself, and when I joined the family I asked his mom to teach me the authentic way).

After eating, I left them to it, and I am (kind of) working from home this afternoon. And by that, I'm not really achieving much as I'm using my energy on tackling a few other things.

[PsySara]

You handled that like a rockstar! It really does seem that lovingly detaching is setting in. If the roller coaster dips again just know you can level off again. I am so proud that you put your best foot forward.

[JksD]

Cherry, great attitude.

But should you ever find yourself spinning and expecting more from your H, please remember to cut back and regroup.

Your H has been swinging very erratically. Don't get into the path of his pendulum/ wrecking ball.

Observe from a safe distance and do what works.

And Cherry, keep the focus on you and your little ones.

[Cherry]

Thanks guys.
I've gone back to being dark again, not for any kind of malicious reasons but I think it will serve me better. Obviously, if he was to get in contact I will be polite and friendly again, but think it's better for my sanity to get used to the distance to make sure expectations don't creep in.

He has been swinging somewhat erratically, and I've seen a lot of things that haven't worked. Some days something will work, and others not.

I've had a really busy day today, and occasionally felt the twinge of sadness. I think with feeling that way, a little distance will help me to keep trying to move further and move on.

[Vanilla]

Cherry

This isn't being dark. One can't be dark again.

You either are NC or you are not. Forever. This means no responses to WH at all other than administration on the kids.

That's it.

Dark means not even following WH on FB, no texts, emails, conversations, visits, casual oR otherwise.

And as much as possible concentrating on you and your little one and the unborneed sibling.

Peace from triggers of connection.

Dark isn't like a light switch on, off, on, off.

It's remove the bulb and smash it.

Just saying

Hugs

V

[Sotto]

Yes, I agree with V and I think what you are doing is being 'dim.' Dim means responding to business politely and little else.

Dark is pretty much zilch and I don't think you can really be dark when you have young kids together...