I am so sorry that things didn't go well w/your sons visiting their father. It's an unfortunate situation and he is going to have to find a way to repair the damages w/his sons.

I can understand how your oldest son feels. He shouldn't be put in a position to be in the middle of the mess between father and sons. I know you rely on him to keep watch over them, but he's just a young man and he can't do much to take care of his brothers when they are w/their father. I know you would like for him to be the one to listen to his brothers when they talk about their father, but this puts him in an awkward position because he's got thoughts and feelings about the situation as well. It might be better for them to speak to a counselor about how they are feeling or to someone other than their brother.

As for your xh giving up his other son. I'm sorry about that...but some of them do this to get out of paying child support. Eventually, they do regret that decision.

Please try to keep the focus on you and your sons. Your health is very important now and you don't need any added stressors at this time. I know you speak to the mistress about what is going on, but that is her battle to fight. You've got a whole of stuff on your plate right now and your focus has to be on your health and your sons.

Please take care of yourself.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.