I'm not sure how I feel. I'm crying because my third son didnt want to go on his visit with his dad this weekend. My oldest offered to take all the boys to their dad's to carve pumpkins tonight. My XH said they're also having a small halloween party and he was excited to have all the boys go over. My third son kept crying to me and saying that he didn't want to go. He tried telling his dad that he was just their for the party and wanted to come home. According to my oldest, XH wanted to talk to him alone. I told my oldest he shouldnt have left him alone with his dad. Third son had tears in his eyes and was so sad that he had to stay.
Anyway, I'm sad that they don't want to be there and even though their father says they have a choice in going.over there..they really don't. They have to go. :-(
My oldest tells me again that he doesn't want to know anything about anything because he wants to be neutral. He feels he's placed in the middle.
The last counselor told him that he should be able to live his own life and not be the mediator. He isn't a mediator. I ask him to just be there for his brothers since they look up to him. HE really is the only positive male role model they have. Unfortunately, he's the buffer between the boys and their dad. I would like for the boys to be able to talk to him because even though I'm here for them .. they kinda want to talk to a guy.
I'm looking for a solutions based counselor to help my children heal. I think I need one too.
I also just found out that my XH has agreed to give up his other son (from the affair he had 5 yrs ago). He doesn't have to pay child support because he agreed to give up his parental rights and he's also agreed not to have any contact with him - ever. I'm so so sad. The ex mistress continued to thank me for taking care of her son while he was with me and my XH. She knows I truly cared for him and do love him.
My feelings are all over the place. I'm sad about my sons, their half-brother, and that my marriage fell apart.
