Not sure if it is too OCD, but I just made myself a spreadsheet to fill in all of my daily activities during the week as well as the weekends. The whole idle hands thing you know...hopefully I can start early and fill my day with growth in all areas...mind, body and spirit!
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Unfortunately you are right, but snakes come in all forms...sometimes even as the OM.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
That's a good start! Just don't plan too far ahead. One day at a time.
Some people blog and others do what you are thinking about doing, i.e., spreadsheet to chart your growth. I want you to come back in 30 days and tell us how you think you did and what, if anything, you would do differently.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So last night around 11pm the W tells me that she has told my 2 youngest that D is more than likely happening. She has not listened and has only done and heard what fits her reality. She is being so childish and selfish that it is BATCHITCRAZY. Again I hear that she doesn't want to over like this...the crazy that she has created. Wow. I'm floored.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Dude, that still goes into the category of believe nothing she says... I know it's hard, d@mn near impossible, but you have to detach, it is not about you, it is about her...
I understand that she isn't making sense, but her crazy is making me crazy. We've been so close for so long that it's hard for me to totally withdraw. I've done so much for her for so long that it's hard not to help, but once she's on her own that reality has to set in. At least I would assume it will.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
You need to step off the crazy train. The saying around here is "believe nothing they say and only about 50% of what they do". Detach a bit more. You are dealing w/someone who is emotionally all over the place like a ping pong ball. You can't rationalize w/someone who is emotional.
This is her lot to fix and you can't fix her. She has to do it for herself. You aren't her father, in fact, she's fired you as a husband for the time being. Leave her to figure things out for herself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I would even go as far as to say that you did too much for her, you were a classic fixer. My W just after BD accused me of helping too much. Crazy heh? I always thought that not helping enough gets you in trouble with the W, but it seems that helping too much is just as bad if not worse...
To not try to make sense of it, because there is none to be made. And if you try to, it will just drive you nuts.
ericmsant2...I understand and agree with all of the advice I have received so far. My problem is taking it. HAHA!
I know that I have NO control over her moving out. I know that I have NO control over her filing for D. I know that I should remain emotionally strong for my kids. I know that I should make positive changes to myself for myself.
The problem I have is that scary 4 letter word called FEAR.
She has always been my rock to hold onto in life's storms. Now it is up to myself to stand solo in all of those same storms. This will, I know, make me a stronger & better man, but it sure is hard to keep a smile on my face while I get started. I know that none of this is my creation, but as I said earlier...her crisis has created a crisis in me...one that I need to squash fast so that I can fully commit to making a better life for me and my 3 kids.
As for the quote, I walk by faith even when I cannot see, that is something that I have reaffirm to myself daily. The good thing is that This community gives us the confidence to move forward thru these storms of life.
Thanks for the uplifting advice...
Forget Everything About Relationship
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
