H said that the counselor (who is also my one) told him that we are both different people now, that 2 years is a long time apart, so it may be a case of him holding on to the history, love, caring, trust etc has made him feel I am his one and only, but that when he said he was no longer in love with me 2 1/2 yrs ago, he really had fallen out of love with me at that point and we are trying to find something that really isn't there anymore.
First of all - I think this counselor is stupid. Really. "Oh, you just fell out of love, too bad". Nonsense! People in marriages fall in and out of love all the time, and it's pretty clear in your H's case that it's his DEPRESSION that is the problem!!!
As for sex - all I can think of is the Nike slogan - "Just do it". Seriously, I think all this waiting around for him to feel like it's perfect is BS. Sometimes you just don't feel like doing it until you get started. Also, as an older man, his libido is starting to wane; just because he got a stiffy from the NOVELTY of a new person doesn't mean that the new person is better or that he's not in love with you. It just means that novelty can help an older man with flagging sexual function get an erection for a while.
As for you Lou - he's too sure of you. When he thought he might lose you he came back; once he came back and you were willing to turn your whole life topsy turvy for him, he started to lose interest. You need to make decisions for YOU. If he comes along, fine - if he doesn't, good riddance!
You struggled so hard for so long to reach some financial stability, it really bothered me that you were going to throw it all away to run off with him (he's still in debt too, right?). I know, you had figured it out and made a Plan B, you'll be alright - but not in as good a position as you would be if you had kept your job until you got a new one, and kept your apartment.
What you need to tell your H is that romantic feelings come and go. That's why marriage is a commitment! The feelings usually come back if you stick it through.
And then start going out in the evenings dancing with your girlfriends. Let him start to wonder a little bit whether he might lose you. He's altogether too sure of you right now.
