Sotto's tootling along

[Sotto]

Hi folks, I haven't updated for a little while, so here we go. I had a nice visit with my SS this week. He and I normally get together during the holidays. This time it was just he and I - sometimes his Mum comes and sometimes we see my parents - so I was a bit apprehensive. But we had a lovely time - leisurely lunch and lots of chat - laughed about some memories and talked a little about what happened too.

We haven't really done that before, but he opened up the convo, and I don't think it should be off limits for ever. It felt like quite a healing convo, and I shared that it had been one of the most difficult things I ever faced, but I felt I had come a long way and was generally happy with my life. Sounds as though OW is still on the scene - that's been over 2.5 years now. Not sure if she and XH are cohabiting as such - SS mentioned 'theirs' and 'hers' - so who knows...he said he gets along okay with her - but he said 'she's not me second mum that I grew up with' - just Dad's GF - ahh.

I always worry a little as I feel one visit will be the time that I learn something difficult - they got engaged, married, baby on the way etc. But I guess I'll cross that bridge if & when I get to it. And really, whilst it may sting, it impacts very little on my life. I'm learning to try and see SS as a separate R to what 'was' with XH and value the R on it's own merits. I had to smile though as the inlaws were descending for a transatlantic visit this week - I was fond of them, but used to find the 'all or nothing' contact challenging.

Interestingly, SS mentioned a convo with his Mum about XH's manner of leaving. For both of us there had been an avoidant move. He said that for his Mum, XH just left a S agreement on the table and for me he left his emails open for me to read about OW. I do think there is a pattern of exciting new R - happy - R starts to need some work - unhappy - say nothing much - make an exit plan - go. My guess is he may stay with OW for a while then may go around that loop again. Yes, perhaps some MLC in there too, but that pattern is a longer term thing...

Otherwise - busy as usual. Been dancing & doing yoga, plus other social things. I'm hosting a party for my D group this weekend - so eight of us round at mine. Also looking in on Mum, who is in respite care this week. Work has been pressured and I'm right out of my comfort zone with this new project. So much so that I considered looking for another job. But I'm going to stick with things for now and see how things go. I'm fond of our team and the place has a lovely culture that I would miss....we'll see and I'll give it my best. NG & I still text a little & friendly enough but nothing else to report there.

That's it for now folks & thanks for reading xx