Vey detached, no longer anxious, in limbo

[Phoebe]

So, it's been another few days, but today I was still thinking about STBXWH often and dreamt about him yet again. I don't remember the dream, other than the feeling that it wasn't a particularly pleasant dream. No surprise there, really.

No, Painter, I haven't put WH's drug use information before the court. I did mention it to my lawyer, but he didn't say much about it. I have no interest in humiliating WH, so I am just leaving that alone for now, taking the high road and listening to my L who says the money is safe, accounted for, and protected. There's not much else I can do, really.

All I know is that all of this is hard, even a full 11 months into the process. I'm moving on and forging a new life without WH, but I've had to let so many things go. I loved being married, and I loved my H, and I loved our life together. It wasn't all sunshine and roses, WH wasn't perfect and I surely wasn't, either. I am under no illusion that WH thought it was good, but I know that I did. Plainly he had plenty of problems with our M, he just didn't talk about it in a way that I either understood or was able to hear. I have come to accept that I will probably never be able to fully understand why things unfolded as they did.

All that is mine is to make the most of what days I am given, as they say.

So, in that vein, I was out making bonds with some of the new people in my life today. I spent most of the day with H-friend. Since it was too yucky outside to hike, we stayed indoors and baked pie pumpkins, made pumpkin pies with homemade crust, pumpkin soup, roasted pears, and a salad, then we sat down with her D16 and H and had a lovely dinner. It was a pleasant way to spend a cold and very wet day.

Saturday I'm going to press cider with H-friend and family, and that should be a lot of fun. There is nothing that you can buy in a store that compares to real homemade cider. State law here mandates that all commercial cider must be either pasteurized or treated with preservatives, and it is truly bland and unexciting stuff. Worse, it is usually a cider made with a dingle apple variety, so it has no depth of flavor. It's either real cider or nothing for this kid. Yes, I'm a cider snob.

Sunday is L-friend's birthday, and I haven't quite decided what I would like to do for him yet. I'm thinking a nice dinner and some of that cider we make! : )

I tried to contact my L with the estimates for home repairs I have gotten, but he didn't get back to me until after 5, so I'll have to drop off my stack of estimates with him tomorrow. STBXWH is supposed to get his own estimate, and then we're supposed to come to some kind of deal. I have no idea what that process will look like, but I'm still chugging, doing my part, and trying to take it a day at a time.

I didn't get home until well after dark, and when I went to check on my chickens - surprise!!! - the older birds were all present and accounted for, but the youngsters were AWOL. Again. I had to go find them, and, luckily, they were all safe and sound and up off the ground. Darn teenagers!!!

I had to give each girl her own ride back to civilization. Still, they are good and beautiful birds, and I enjoy them more each day. My older birds are molting right now, so egg production is pretty minimal. Only three of the 10 older hens are laying right now, and even then they are laying intermittently. I struggle to get together enough eggs to sell a dozen more than once per week. The few eggs the young ones are laying are teeny little things, and still too small to sell. Today I had a semi-patient customer waiting outside my door while I tried to scrounge up a full dozen eggs that were big enough to sell. AND he wanted more eggs, so I ad to tell him that I'd try my best to have another dozen for him by Sunday. Like I have any control over these birdies!?!?

So, any who... time for this camper to try to hit the hay. Goodnight everyone!