It is with a heavy heart that I pass along this information. This morning at around 3am. Our friend Jack 3 Beans (for those of you who did not know him well) passed away. This world....will never be the same again. The world has really lost one of the good guys.
I am using the words above of EricmSant as I am really at a loss of what to say.
RIP dear friend the DB world will mourn your loss. It was a pleasure meeting you and an honor to call you my friend.
Today is a sad day for the boards. This morning I received a call from Jack 3 Beans mother informing me that he had passed away at 3am today. This world lost, imo a light. It is a little darker today.
I have several requests to …..all poster…both newbies, vets, and former posters.
I have started this thread in order to print a copy of it and give it to J3B mother and father. They knew how much the boards meant to J3B – I would like to show them how much he meant to us.
I would ask that the moderators allow this thread to exceed the 10 page limit if need be.
I would ask that the vets reach out to former poster as best that they can and ask that they post what/how J3B impacted their lives.
I’ll start
J3B was more than a “vet” he was my friend. A very dear friend. I go as far as to say…that him and few other posters are like my brothers and sisters. Jack was the big brother.
He gave so much. My last memory of Jack was out trip down to the Outterbanks a few weeks ago. We had a blast. Mach arranged for a surprise birthday party – his mom and dad showed up an surprised him. Jack lived in Alaska for those who did not know. So seeing his parents was a really excellent surprise. I had picked up a birthday card for Jack and wrote from my heart. I will paraphrase …..
Jack – Love you man. I wanted to thank you for being the type of friend that you are and for being there for me when no one else really was. I also want to say F you. Why? Cause I know you hate praise, thanks and this is gonna be a mushy card. So F you 
Jack you are amazing dude and I wish more people knew you. You give so much of yourself yet you ask for nothing in return. I know you hate thanks…and all the mushy chit but here goes anyway…..
Thank you – when I did not believe in myself – YOU DID.
When I wanted to put a bullet in my head – YOUR response kept me going.
When I wanted to quit…on me, on my family, on my kids. I did…but you didn’t. When I struggled with my son who had been alienated against me….I wanted to quit – you didn’t let me. When the world felt against me….you posted to me. When my W at the time would do [censored] that made me want to quit on myself…you helped pick me up. And you did it over and over and over again. Remember when I almost destroyed my office at work after reading one of your post? LOL. You knew I needed it and you were right. I am a better man, better father, better partner and overall better human being because of you. Yeah…yeah…don’t give me the “I hate praise speech”…. Thank you Jack. I love you man.
I wrote a little bit more but that up there ^^^ was the jist of it. As tough as Jack was....the card made him teary eye - same for me.
Jack was a h@ll of guy. He was my true friend. I mean it when I say….that I am the dad that I am today…in part because of Jack.
His real name…… was Jeff. He was about 6’2…maybe about 205 lbs. Brown hair. He was a former Coast Guard. He is survived by his Wife, 2 boys and his mother and father. He was sarcastic. He had a dry sense of humor. He loved laguvalin scotch. He loved video games. A few years ago, he was diagnosed with a rare disease that impacted his ability to walk. If you knew Jeff….the wheel chair did not stop him. He loved his kids more than life itself. He loved his family. He loved his friends.
RIP Jack 3 Beans
The boards will never be the same.
For those of you who would like additional info…you know how to reach me as does Cadet.
I just can't believe it. We had just spent a whole week together. What a great time. And today I wake up to hear this very sad news. Eric is right he loved video games. I had convinced him to get the Division so we could play and have fun. We never got to do it. He was a smart and lovinG person that I will miss. Will miss his sarcastic post on FB RIP my friend. We have lost a great friend
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
My thoughts and prayers are with his family, friends and co-workers at this time. Words cannot express my very deep sorrow for this man.
I didn't know Jeff personally, but I got to know him many years ago when we were allowed to post our email addresses here. Jeff, like all of us, wasn't perfect and he accepted that he had made some mistakes along the way, but he learned from them and came here to share his experiences and what he had learned. We didn't always agree on things, but we learned to "agree to disagree" many times over.
I think the trip back to the East Coast was a great trip for not only him, but for his friends and parents, as well. The time you spent with Jeff and the memories that were made from this trip will comfort each and every person that was there. The trip from Alaska and back were not easy for him to make, but he was determined to come and enjoy himself with his friends. You made his trip a memorable one for him and his parents and don't ever forget that. You gave him many happy memories that I am sure he cherished right up until he passed away this morning. Take comfort in knowing this.
Jeff, may you rest in peace. You lived your life to the fullest and fought right up to the end. God called you home far too early, but he needed you to help others from afar. You may be gone, but you will not be forgotten.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
J3B infuriated me at times. When someone like him or Mach posts to you, you don't get sweet words or platitudes, but you do get the truth, and you do come out the other side of the bomb stronger, with a deeper self knowledge, and on the road back to healing.
The thought of meeting him this summer scared the crap out of me, but in reality he was one of the funniest, snarkiest, deepest, kindest and most sincere men I've ever had the pleasure to have met.
He spoke of his parents and kids with true love. Despite his disability, he experienced true joy from living, especially in living in Alaska. He was proud of his years of service in the Coast Guard. He loved to cook, he loved to eat, he loved to drink, he loved to laugh, he just loved life.
His words and advice and spirit will live on and help countless others on this forum. I lift an old fashioned in your honor and memory, sweet friend.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
From a former posters named.... WCW - Jack didn't comment much on my situation but I always appreciated the matter of fact opinions Jack gave to so many people. Jack kept it real instead of full of fluff, and by reading his advice to others it helped me. And, happy to say, my marriage survived and we just passed the 23 year mark. Thank you Jack, my thoughts are with your family.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Oh dear. My world is a darker place now that the light that was Jeff is no longer burning. A favourite author of mine once wrote that "A man's not dead while his name's still spoken." Jeff's words, his good humour and his kindness will live on and continue to provide inspiration and support for countless people.
I only encountered him online and not in real life. It was at a time when I was confused, scared and lost. Jeff's patience, good humour and Chicken Marsala recipe got me though some very dark times. He was a light that shone in that darkness that I thrived under and became stronger.
My thoughts and prayers go out not only to his real-life family who I am sure are struggling with the loss of him but also to the countless people both who knew Jeff through his kindness and the people beyond that whose lives were made richer, better and brighter because of his influence.
In one of his last posts to me he said that he was giving back to a community that had helped him and charged me also take up the challenge and give back which I have been doing. I charge all of those around to pick up a portion of the torch that Jeff was holding high and to light our own flames against the darkness. None of us can replace Jeff but we can spread his message of love, strength and kindness.
God bless Jack. Rest in peace.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I was so sad to hear this news this morning, really shook me up and I'm still reeling. I never post here anymore, but along with Coach and maybe one or two others, Jack was a giant here to whom I really looked up.
He's on the "Mount Rushmore of DB," surely.
And yet those last two items of praise would have really, REALLY made him uncomfortable . . . pissed him off actually.
Which is why he was a giant.
Rest in peace, my friend. I learned so much from you, especially about how to help people and keeping that as my focus and tuning out all of the other noise and bullchit (which was often legion back then). I have so much respect for your commitment to that, and the way you lived out the "pay it forward" mantra that so many others SAY, but never really DO.
May God richly reward you for the lives you touched, including those you may not have ever even known. My faith tells me that now He is in fact showing you that, sorta like that guardian angel showed Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life" what the town would have been like without George Bailey.
Shortly after my separation I found myself laying on my living room floor in the fetal position wondering why I should continue on. My phone rang and it was Jack 3 beans, the good old days when we could contact one another circa 2007. Jack spent 2 hours talking to me, listening to me ball and giving me direction on how to get my act together. Him and I bonded that night which many old timers will tell you was the most illogical pairing in the world. He and I bantered lovingly back and forth on these boards and he continued to be a guide throughout my journey.
While I like to think I am a strong enough person to have made it through that night without him, I feel that I owe him a debt of gratitude that makes this day even more difficult because i do not know that I ever thanked him properly for what he did for me. Jack was compassionate and understanding and even as he struggled in his own marriage and trying to save it (which he was fairly successful at) he never once didn't make an effort to actively be a leader on these boards.
RIP pirate, it saddens me that the people on this board now will not have the pleasure of reading your tales and passionate stories. You will be missed more than you know.
Such sad news. Jack 3 beans was one the many great posters that helped me out when i needed it the most. and was not afraid to give the tough advice which i needed the most.
To give like he did takes a lot of strength and love.
my thoughts go out to his family, and friends, and all many many people he helped.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Most of my interactions with Jack were on FB Messenger and not on the boards. He reached out to me personally on a number of occasions for some real heart to heart stuff. Things which I still think about to this day. One in particular was about staying true to myself through the toughest of times. Eternally grateful for that.
Tragic news. So sorry for his family and close friends.
Agree with Starsky. DB Mt Rushmore worthy. We lost a giant.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
Just got the message that Jeff "Jack" died today. Such sad news. I didn't know him personally like some of you did, but I felt like I did. Jeff was like the old vet who gave it to you straight - no BS. It wasn't always easy to hear, but it was always the truth and it was always helpful.
He used to always say, "You will get through this. You will survive. Quite possibly you will become a better person for this. A better parent, and have better skills in relationships."
At the time you read it, you don't believe him. But years later, I look back and every single word is true.
Thank you, Jeff, for all that you did to help me with my life crisis - you will never be forgotten. I will cherish your wisdom forever. Rest in Peace my friend.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
I will post more later, I'm still absorbing the news. I think the world of JTB, and I'm angry he got such a crappy deal from life in the last few years.
After everything he still gave so much to his friends and family, and loved them tremendously.
Like you, he was there for me when I was down. On my worst day ever, he Was the one who checked in on me.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
His response was that it wasn't Jack's birthday, it was Jack's drivers birthday, but he would tell him for me....
As someone posted above, Jack would have hated these posts about him, Jeff, even more so...
Jeff told me that Jack was the man that he aspired to be. I think that many aspired to be like Jack. I would argue, however, that Jeff was more than what Jack was. Jack was only a part of the man that Jeff was in life.
Much like Ian, Jeff saved me in more ways than I can repay.
I am at a loss for words today. Many of you will find that odd, especially from me...
Wherever you are, I doubt that you will ever read this, and IF you are and do, I hope that you realize the impact that you have had on so many lives, and the people that you have touched..
Jack's words are in these threads, scattered among years of taking in and giving back to anonymous faces. Once, I was among them.
His words will live here for years to come. I see them through the people that he has touched.
I love you my brother, and I cherish the memories that we have had...(and that is not how you know)...
I received the very sad news today about Jack 3 Beans. When I read all the emails about what he meant to you, it's clear to me that he was truly a hero. He touched so many lives. I am really grateful to him for the love that he shared in this community. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, prayers and good wishes. I hope his family knows how much he meant to all of you. Thank you, Jack/Jeff. May you rest in peace.
I was here a very long time ago, and thank God I cannot remember my username because I do not want to see who I was back then. Over time I became acquainted with Jeff. Eventually we became email and phone buddies and have stayed in touch all these years. He was always there to listen and to give guidance. I knew I could count on him, and I am sure he knew the same about me.
Right now I have comfort in the fact that one day I told him that I loved him (platonically of course!) and he said he loved me too. After that it became a common way to end our correspondence. I am glad he knew.
He recently told me that it was on his bucket list to come meet me. I am not wrapping my head around the fact that this cannot happen.
Thanks, Jeff, for everything. You helped me through a very difficult time in my life. I am glad you were able to get to know the happy and confident girl that had disappeared for so long. You and some other friends from here got me to this place and I am forever grateful.
I came to this place a long time ago. I lurked and read just about every thread in the archives as well as current ones. There were posters I liked and posters I didn't. I say with honesty, I didn't like Jack 3 Beans. I admired him, but I didn't like him at all.
Then one day, I got an email, I still don't know how he got my email address...
The first line was "I know you may think I'm an asssshole but..."
He reached out to me because we had a mutual friend that he was trying to do something wonderful for and wanted to know if I wanted to be a part of it...
That email started, what turned out to be, one of the most cherished friendships that I will ever have in my life.
What everyone here has said is true...he would hate this thread. He didn't even like hearing "thank you."
He gave so much to so many. Touched lives in ways he never even realized. In his mind, he was simply a man. No better, no worse, than any other.
He believed, and tried to live, what he said to people. He may not have always been the most compassionate person, but he was passionate about DB, about being the best that you can, about being a friend, and about life.
Pirate,
You are walking again today my friend.
I will miss you, although I know you will always be sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear "did you do it right?"
Until we dip our toes in the water again...
I love you, you Bonehead.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I was a newbie flopping around like a fish ... seriously reeling from everything that had happened in my life. Found this place and thankfully there were some vets who came in and patched me up, set me straight and were helping me along my journey.
I did not know Jack/Jeff personally, not even outside of this place but I can tell you without looking he posted on a few of my threads and I was amazed he took an interest. I recall a couple lines he dropped on me and 2 years later those words/concepts resonate with me to this day .... for me when Jack posted to you it was like your quiet GrandPa speaking up and everyone shut up and took note
As it was said, he would be one of the Mt Rushmore figures ... I am saddened by the loss if only for selfsih reasons as I still feel he could teach us all so much more, but I am honored to have learned what I did from this great man.
Rest in Peace Jack/Jeff ... you touched more people than you could possibly realize.
I haven't been on the boards in a long time, but for whatever reason, I decided to come here today. I am terribly sorry to see this news. My heart goes out to all that knew him. Jack and I didn't always agree on everything, but I sure respected him. Rest in Peace Jack
I just logged on, and that is such sad news. Again, I only knew Jack/Jeff on these forums, but I saw how much his words and support touched and helped many here over many years. That is a lovely legacy I think - to have helped others move forward during the darkest times of their lives. May he rest in peace.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
He reached out to me because we had a mutual friend that he was trying to do something wonderful for and wanted to know if I wanted to be a part of it...
Yep, he roped me in on that one too.
And I was happy to participate.
Old Fashioneds all around!!
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
This news has had me in tears off and on all morning. The loss of Jeff is so tragic and unfair. His friends and family are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Back when I was on the boards it would scare the crap out of me to have Jack 3 Beans post on my thread lol! As brutally honest as I was on here, he never failed to hit me with even more knowledge. He was such a straight up, no nonsense person. Sometimes he aggravated me but I always had respect for him. He told it like it was, whether you liked it or not. Those are the kinds of people who impact my life the most. In recent times, our only contact was via Facebook. True to character, he was a teacher there as well. I often read his posts/rants regarding politics and other issues. I never failed to learn from him, even when he was being silly. His premature departure from this world leaves a huge hole online as well as in real life. I will always regret not going to NC last month to meet him in person. My deepest sympathies go out to everyone who loves him.
Jack, thoughts and prayers, you touched a lot of lives and for sure mine. What you were is indescribable and words are not able to express. The post below has been with me everyday. Miss you J3Beans...
Something zen and witty?
Something to remind you of your course?
Something germane to the day ahead?
That is alot of pressure.
When I need a reminder, of what I want to be, when I think I have lost a bit of fire. I find that Invictus by William Ernest Henley fits the bill.
Invictus:
Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.
Don't give up Kid. More importantly, do not let anyone defeat you...including yourself.
When you come to this place, you're in a pretty fragile state. Most of us didn't even know what this place was, and we had no way of knowing whether getting involved here would be a wise decision or not. It's just that we were so desperate, we were willing to try anything.
It doesn't take long to start noticing some names. They are people who have been through the hell you find yourself in, and they've been through it long enough that they've figured some things out. But even better, because of the quality person they are, they feel almost compelled to help others.
He wasn't Jack3Beans when I first came here. I can't remember anymore what his screen name was at that time. But I sure came to know it quickly.
Jeff had a way of knowing whether you needed a 2x4 or a thought-provoking question. He did not hesitate to call bs on stuff he knew was bs - stuff he knew would only make things longer and worse. And man, what a sharp mind he had. That was what always stood out to me about Jeff - he was wicked smart and he could read my words and know just what I was thinking.
I always hoped we would get to meet one day.
People, when you get a chance to do something you always wanted to do...find a way to do it. You never know if you'll get another chance. I'll cherish the trip last month for a long time, especially for the look on his face when he saw us coming up the stairs.
Like many from my time period on the board, I probably had more contact with Jeff after I left the board. Man, how I loved discussing issues with him. It thrilled my soul this past year when he and I were actually pulling for the same presidential candidate for while. I mean, if Jeff supported the same candidate I was supporting, I must be thinking right, you know?
I'm glad he's not bound to that wheelchair anymore - that's about the only good thing I can think of in his loss. I'm so sad for his parents, for his wife, and especially for the boys. I can't imagine the difficulty of losing such a son, husband, and father.
God bless you Jeff. Though we met only once, you were one of my most valued and cherished friends.
Though he didn't write this at the end of his posts, like some of the other guys did, Jeff was the embodiment to me of ...
...Strength and honor.
Love you my friend.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I never did meet Jack in the real world. I loved his comments and straight to the point advice. It encouraged many to not just have better marriages but to become better people.
As with most posters, we either agreed or disagreed but always with a matter of respect. I can't believe he's gone. He was just here a week or two ago saying he was going on vacation.
I hope you have a well deserved rest my friend. I hope you're still watching out for those in bad marriages up there.
Rest In Love my friend.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
RIP Jack3B from a newbie. I am sorry I didn't get to have the benefit of your knowledge and advice on my sitch but I have read a lot of old threads on which you commented and I feel that I have the next best thing.
It seems you were very much loved and respected on here there is absolutely no doubt about that.... X
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
I didn't get to know Jack very well but ut to give so much and have so much faith in the institution of marriage, despite his difficulties, sets him out as a great example to all of us.
M 10, T 18 M: 36, W: 35, D: 8, S: 6 EA: Oct 12 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: Aug 15 Separated: Sep 15 Miss you: Jun 16 Aug 16: Dating (!) Oct 16: Selfishness returns... currently: disgusted
I have read several of your replies on other threads and your direct and honest style of writing resonates with me. My thoughts are with your family, I hope they can see from all the amazing replies how many people you have touched through this forum.
My sincere condolences to all your loved ones.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
I registered on here in 2011 but I read for 2 years prior. I did not interact with Jack much because from what I read, he scared me. I also knew I could not teach him anything, I was his follower. I look up to him. His wisdom was priceless. He has helped countless strangers without wanting anything in return but to see us make it through. IMO, he was definitely a mentor on here. One of the GREAT! I will miss reading you my friend but I will never forget you! You are forever engraved in my heart and on this board! THANK YOU J3B !! xoxox
I'm speechless. The world lost a great one today. What a loss.
I got the news from Eric very early this morning (Arizona time.)
I've been trying to absorb this. To be honest, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I really don't know what to say. Words can't express what I felt for our friend.
I came here in early 2011 and I was a mess. Jack was one of the ones that got me through it. When he first started posting to me, I remember thinking "this guy is blunt." And to be honest, I didn't always like what he had to say. Over time, I grew to respect and admire him. Then it got to where I actually "hoped" that he would post to me because I respected what he said and I knew he spoke the truth. I would also read other posters threads if I saw he was posting to them. He told it like it was whether you liked it or not.
I didn't make it known on the boards, but I was suicidal for quite a while in the beginning. I think Jack knew it. If I was silent for a while, he would post a quick little blurb on my thread to "check in" on me. When my world was dark, he was my light. My rock.
I'm sad to say, that I never had the pleasure of meeting him in person, but I felt like I knew him. The boards will never be the same.
Rest in peace dear friend and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Tadpole1025 (Darrin)
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
I didn't have any interaction with Jack but I certainly read what he posted to others. While maybe not directly posted to me, they certainly helped me reach the point I am at today. Rest in peace and thank you for all the help you gave to anyone who found their way here.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
From Valentine: Jack, the world is a little sadder now that you left it. You were a friend to so many here at a time when they needed it most. I hope wherever you're at that you're happy and the sun is always shining on your face. ❤️ Valentine
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
RIP, J3B. You will be missed by so many. I actively searched out any posts of yours because of your blunt wisdom and humor. You had the right words at the right time delivered straight up (I happen to fancy the scotch as well). Prayers for you on your journey across the river and for your family and friends standing on the shore.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
I will just say a few things that struck me about Jeff. When I was on the forums, he was always one I really looked forward to hearing from. Wasn't always easy to hear what he had to say, but I always respected it. I actually used to search out what he was telling other people as well just to get another bit of advice.
I remember a thread on here where instead about our [censored] situations, we talked about music. I posted up Dry The Rain by the Beta Band. He loved it. I hope that song gave him a bit more joy in his life.
I never met Jeff in person, but we did communicate outside the forum. I remember when he had to start using a wheelchair. The thing I remember about it, was it seemed like it was just mentioned in passing. He didn't dwell on it at all. Afterwards, if it was ever mentioned again, it was in perfect self deprecating fashion.
Which brings me to his sense of humor. I rarely use the term "LOL" but truth be told his comments made me do it many times. He might have been the one person more sarcastic than I am, he beat me at my own game. I will miss trying to out wit him, which I rarely did.
Peace Jeff. Perhaps SMOD2016 will win and we can both laugh about it together.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
So sad to hear the news. I was never honored to have him post to me but if it was anything like Puppy posting, it meant the world when he did. I hope that he has found peace and enjoying the freedom of being able to run again. Blessings.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
It's been so long since I posted here and yet this thread is like a familiar walk down memory lane. J3B was a giant among men, he gave more to these boards than anyone else I can think of. We shared many mutual friends off line but never struck up our own friendship, and I suppose I thought he didn't like me lol. The truth is that he intimidated me with his honesty in those days before I was living a truly authentic version of me. His no bullsh!t approach was all about respecting and caring so much about people that he gave them what they needed even if they didn't want it. He, along with many others, with his advice and challenges to do more, be more, be better made me the woman I am today.
I'm a better person for having crossed paths with J3B and those that he affected so deeply. RIP Jeff <3
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
What a sad day this has been! I am so thankful for the opportunity of getting to know Jeff through the boards and so blessed to have gotten to meet him in person just a month ago!! What a great guy! He will be truly missed. My thoughts and prayers are with his family.
I had the privilege to meet this great man not long ago. A man who gave of himself so much and so often. A man with a heart of gold. It's with a heavy heart, I say farewell Jeff. I am saddened by the news for your family and for those who's lives you've touched. You will be missed. I know your time in the CG was a great time for you. One you (and many others) were proud of.
So sailor, with deep respect and sadness:
May the horizon always rise in front of you. And may the wind be eternally at your back. 'till we meet again...
AJM
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
As a moderator when JTB became a prolific and wise poster, and a mischievous poster. It turned out, he was very wise. And very well liked. A people magnet.
So I wanted him to moderate and asked Michele and Virginia and asked him. He was really reluctant. Jeff eventually agreed. His style was much better, and he made me want to be better.
Jeff can build community. It's evidenced by so many conversations on this board. It's evidenced in the connections he grew and maintained outside the board. He encouraged us to be better at our relationships and make it clear it's not for sissies.
And so a group of friends here were able to get together and surprise Jeff. They had the awesome privilege of making what would turn out to be a last great adventure one filled with love of friends and family.
Jeff is definitely humble. And kind. And hilarious. And loving. And has to be the most patient, because he was surely given enough to be patient about.
Jeff brings out the best in us. We are so much better for having him touch our lives. We will never be the same.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I was not expecting a text at 6:30am this morning, so when I was having my coffee and I looked at my phone and saw that it was Eric texting me, I knew something was wrong. I knew J3B was not doing well because Eric had invited me to come to the beach just weeks earlier to spend time with the people that helped me through the most difficult part of my life. …. one of those people that was going to be there was Jeff, while I had never met him in person he had a profound impact on me during my “journey”.
It has been several years since I have posted on these boards that I attribute to saving my life…… literally. So, when Eric told me this morning that J3B had died earlier this morning in the middle of the night it took some time for it to sink in…..in fact it has taken most of the day and going back and rereading some of my threads. (can’t believe I remembered my login) It has taken me most of the day to recall the feelings of despair, pain and hopelessness that I was experiencing 5 years ago. By some stroke of luck or divine intervention I found this place and scoured these threads for someone that had saved their marriage and navigated their way through their spouse’s Mid Life Crisis. That person was J3B. He was a couple of years ahead of me so his situation felt a little more relevant and he was still active on these boards, so when he started posting on my threads it felt like a shaft of light had come down from heaven and was giving me hope that my marriage would be miraculously saved, just like J3B.
I was right about one thing, and that was the miraculous shaft of light from heaven that had come down upon me but not to save my marriage but rather to save ME. J3B, among many others would teach me that you save yourself first and maybe your marriage would be saved as a byproduct of saving yourself. Jeff offered so much of himself to me and to many others here, delivering the words of wisdom, whacks of lumber to the forehead and wit and sarcasm to lighten the trip through hell that we ALL must traverse.
I regret never meeting this man in person but I feel I know him vicariously through the others here that I have had the opportunity call my friends to this day. My heart aches for his wife and children as I know there will be a huge hole in their lives where he once stood.
I know Jeff was not one for praise and adulation, he expressed to me many times that while his marriage was saved he will take only take credit for finding himself again and that while surviving his wife’s MLC it was truly saving himself and finding happiness on his own that was his true accomplishment.
Jeff, you are truly one of kind, a special soul that we have all been blessed with having been touched by your spirit, may God grant you the eternal peace, joy and happiness that you so richly deserve. You will be missed.
Chris
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Oh boy...here goes. When I came here 9 years ago, Jeff was already a legend. (and yea, yea, Jeff, I know you would hate that term). After awhile here, I began to wonder why he never posted to me. I would sign on and wish that today would be the day he would.
One day, I came on and saw that he finally did. Oh man, was I nervous...and excited. J3B had actually posted to me.
I should preface this by saying that when I first came to the forum, my name was Dippy. It referenced what I was called when I was a kid, and it had to do with my last name.
Jeff didnt know that. He didnt like the name. So, I sat back, ready to take in what he wrote to me. It was one short sentence. "Change your name, you are anything but Dippy. You are doing great." You can bet I changed my name. LOL!
He couldnt know how much his stopping by meant to me..at a time when I was as low as you could get. His simple words held such meaning. And that was him...a few short words to get a whole lot of meaning across.
I had to great pleasure of meeting him a few weeks ago. I was again nervous...this was J3B after all. I was ready to tell him what an honor it was and before I could, he said to me.."It's a great honor to meet you, D." I am so grateful I was able to tell him what his words had meant to me all those years ago and what his words to others meant. I would devour his stuff. We would have such fun on our crazy threads...our special group.
His value to this place is immeasurable. His value to the world is, too. He was a kind, warm, amazing man, with an irreverent sense of humor. Larger than life with an infectious smile. He accepted what life threw at him with grace and courage.
Jeff, because you meant so much to my brothers and sisters from here, you meant a great deal to me. You are one of a kind and will be greatly missed. Thank you for all you have done. Our loss is Heaven's gain.
It is so sad to know that Jack3B/Jeff is no longer with us. I don’t remember if he ever posted on my thread. Maybe just a couple of times. But, his posts on other’s threads gave me so much to think about and helped me a great deal in the last 4 years. Yes, sometimes his comments were not easy to “hear”… But, he definitely helped a lot of people here to get through the tough times, whether he posted to them or not.
Thank you Jack/Jeff for sharing your wisdom and love. We will miss you.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I'm sitting here just astounded by the impact that J3B has had on so many people.... Strangers no less. This is why the human experience is so incredible and clearly Mr. Beans is one of the great ones.
Like many, I sought out J3Bs threads and posts here during my fairly short tenure thus far on the boards. Yes, he was truly a legend. Brilliant. For us "newer" posters, I think we all felt a sense of honor when he came out of retirement and started posting again. Right off the bat, he was throwing out pearls of wisdom and smacks of reality and I personally couldn't get enough.
My jaw dropped when he posted on my thread. I couldn't believe it. It was like having lunch with a celebrity you've always admired. Just wow. It's humbling to think how one person can positively influence hundreds of others during the most difficult times of their lives.
I'm going to echo what many have said and say that my life is better for having "known" and "learned from" Jeff and I wish nothing but eternal peace for him. He was called home far too soon. I pray for his family and friends during this difficult time and also pray that they smile knowing that their dear Jeff was an everyday hero.
We'll miss you.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
I am shocked and deeply saddened to read of J3B/Jeff's passing. What a great disturbance in The Force! He was one of the vets whom I too, always read. As others have posted, his ability to cut directly to the chase succinctly was a true gift. I'm just .. no words here ... wishing love and peace to Jeff, his family and friends and of course everyone he touched here as well.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I've been on these boards for some time, ex never in a MLC, but I often followed people over there from newcomers. I read lots of Jeff's advice and it was always thought provoking and really challenged the poster. That's the way I knew it on these boards back in the day.
In the recent years I became IRL friends with some posters from the MLC board who I truly consider family. They are also great friends of Jeff, whom I never met, we may have cross-posted to someone, we weren't even FB friends, but just through these people I knew what an exemplary man he was, how he changed the lives of these friends who I call family. I couldn't wait to meet the guy one day. I almost had the chance on his recent vacation, but unfortunately couldn't make it.
If I never known him from the boards and only my friends, I would still know what kind of guy he was.
I suspect that Jeff/Jack may well have hated this suggestion but does anyone know if there is perhaps a special charity that was meaningful to him? I'd like to make a donation in his honour.
He can't tell me "Pick your own d@mned charity and give to something YOU believe in" after all.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I suspect that Jeff/Jack may well have hated this suggestion but does anyone know if there is perhaps a special charity that was meaningful to him? I'd like to make a donation in his honour.
He can't tell me "Pick your own d@mned charity and give to something YOU believe in" after all.
That is very generous of you. Thank you. We will find out the answer and get back to you.
Very sad to hear this news. I have not been on here in quite some time but I can say that I truly owe so much of the best things in life to Jeff.
He held the mirror up for me as he did with so many of us so I could find myself in it.
You were fond of saying character is who you are when the lights go out and no one is watching. Well the lights have gone out and your light is shining.
He shared with me that Jack three beans was his persona of Everyman.... and someone he aspired to be IRL and and knowing him he was greater than J3B.
He always considered judgment beyond his pay grade and everyone else's and exhibited a compassion that is hard to embrace when we are hurting so much when we come here.
Something he taught me that has become a mantra in life is
It is not what someone does TO you but what you do WITH it that is important.
And...
NO BUTS!
What a f@cking great dude! (Sorry Jeff's mom)
God speed my friend. I will miss you but you are part of my life everyday though you do not know it.
I hope you can see that from where you are. It was a very special life you lived.
Grit
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
I'm not sure that can be done easily. Jack has been a member of this Forum for over 10 years and many of his threads are gone and attempting to go from one thread to another (possibly 350) that he has visited over the years would take quite a bit of time, i.e., to read each and every thread and find where Jack has made a quote to remember.
If members would like to start a thread with his quotes, then others can chime in with the quotes that he posted to them. Once the thread has been created, I will be happy to make it a sticky at the top of this Forum.
When you locate them, how about starting the thread and I'll tag it as a sticky?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm not sure that can be done easily. Jack has been a member of this Forum for over 10 years and many of his threads are gone and attempting to go from one thread to another (possibly 350) that he has visited over the years would take quite a bit of time, i.e., to read each and every thread and find where Jack has made a quote to remember.
If members would like to start a thread with his quotes, then others can chime in with the quotes that he posted to them. Once the thread has been created, I will be happy to make it a sticky at the top of this Forum.
I love this idea! It will take me some time to read through the pages of my threads.
I would echo what Grit said (hey Grit long time brother).... No BUTS or anything after a BUT is the excuse you give yourself.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I had just met Jack. I liked who I met. I am really sorry for all of you who have known and loved him for so many years, sorry for the loss of your friend. In our few exchanges, he was really jovial and playful, thanks J3B.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
We now have a thread started for Jack's words of wisdom. Truegritter created a thread entitled "Jack Three Beans Words of Wisdom". I have copied and pasted responses from sgctxok and Bee29 to that thread this morning. This new thread is at the top of this Forum and it will remain a sticky. Please post Jack's pearls of wisdom there.
I have moved words of wisdom quotes from sgctxok and Bee29 to the new thread.
I suspect that Jeff/Jack may well have hated this suggestion but does anyone know if there is perhaps a special charity that was meaningful to him? I'd like to make a donation in his honour.
He can't tell me "Pick your own d@mned charity and give to something YOU believe in" after all.
LOL, he would have, too!
Originally Posted By: Drew
Coast Guard Foundation
This is an awesome idea. Jeff was so friggin proud of his service in the Coast Guard. I think this would mean a lot to him, and am actually sure that he knows about it cause I am sure he is in heaven. I'm going to donate in his name and honor too Andrew. Thanks.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
I've taken some time to think about Jeff's "Board" life over the last decade. Jeff came here searching for answers to questions just as we all did. He grew by leaps and bounds, fell down a time or two, but was more than determined to get back up and continue moving forward. He wasn't perfect and he made mistakes just as we all did. What he learned from those mistakes, he was more than happy to share the knowledge with those he posted to. For some, he shared his knowledge and sage advice off the Board and IRL. Jeff was a diamond in the rough back in 2006, but he soon grew into a brilliant diamond who continued to offer sage advice along the way even after his health crisis. Not once did he come here and whine about his illness. It took courage and determination for him to greet each day, but he did it. Jeff truly was a treasure and a man who will not be forgotten. He lived his life to the fullest. He would not want us to mourn him, but rather...celebrate his life.
I'd like to share a poem with you that is entitled "A Death Has Occurred" by Paul Irion.
A Death Has Occurred
A death has occurred and everything is changed. We are painfully aware that life can never be the same again, That yesterday is over, That relationships once rich have ended.
But there is another way to look upon this truth. If life now went on the same, Without the presence of the one who had died, we could only conclude that the life we remember made no contribution, filled no space, meant nothing.
The fact that this person left behind a place that cannot be filled is a high tribute to this individual.
Life can be the same after a trinket has been lost, but never after the loss of a treasure.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It's been forever since I've been here and posted. I found out that Jack/Jeff had passed away several days ago and that this thread would be started on the boards. I've waited to post because I didn't know what to say.
Everyone who has already posted has said so many of the things that I also think about him.
I was lucky that I got to know him a bit off of the boards. I can't say that I was a good friend, but we did become friends. In recent years, he and I argued about politics among other things. Friendly banter though. His thoughts on politics were just as intelligent an thought out as they were here about marriages torn apart.
Of course, as everyone has said, he was tremendously helpful to me when I was going through my 'situation'. I was sad and distraught... Just like we all are when we come here.
Jack/Jeff had a way of being tough, but also understanding of the pain that we were going through. He had been through it himself of course.
I read through his old posts from when he was going through his sh!t. One reason that I connected with him as much as anyone here, was because what he went through was very, VERY, similar to what I was going through at the time. Funny enough, my situation ended up very similar to his too.
At one point, he and I started emailing off of the boards. It meant SO much to me that here was someone who didn't know me at all. Lived hundreds of miles away from me. Yet, took his time to read my thoughts, basically my personal journal, and tell me things that helped guide me.
He didn't tell me what I needed to do. He didn't say 'you're wrong' or 'you're right'. He had a way of saying things that caused me to think for myself. To figure out my path.
He also offered to speak with me on the phone. While I didn't want to take advantage of this too much, I did take him up on it. He was the same. He listened. He offered words. He shared his experiences. He talked about his new life. He made me feel better.
I did not get to meet him. We talked about having a beer when he was back in Colorado one day. Unfortunately for me, he never did make it back.
For everything that he did here, and that was A LOT, what I will remember is that he was genuinely a good guy. More of us could stand to live our lives caring about others the way that Jack3beans... Jeff... did.
I'm forever grateful. In this life and beyond.
Thank you man...
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I have been away from the boards for a few weeks, some GAL reasons among others, but can't believe logging on today I'm finding out about Jack_Three_Beans' passing. In my short time interacting on the DB boards J3B had started to post some blunt but much needed comments & insight to my thread; wish I'd had the chance to get to know him better.
My condolences, thoughts & prayers go out to his family & friends.
Thank you Jeff for taking the time to offer me your guidance; may you be much rewarded on your onward journey.
Let me tip my hat to you sir by doing what you suggested on my thread a while ago and change my DB moniker to something more positive HalfTheMan -> HeroToMany.
HTM.
Me 50, ExW 49 T21, M13+ S15, S13 BD #1: 25-Jan-2016 (EA confirmed & ILYBINILWY) Sept-2016 Mediated Sep. starts Oct-2016 W petitions for D Jan-2017 R w OM admitted/confirmed Jun-2018 D'd
I remember Jack’s appearance on the boards. He arrived around the end of January 2006—and Bworl, he was always Jack_Three_Beans. There are some people that make an impression as someone who already knows where they are going and what to say. Jack was a board leader from almost the first moment. Even when his words may not have seemed so different than others, there was still some unknown quality of leadership and perhaps a charisma. I felt it right away from him and I also always had a sense his marriage would make it. We did not interact a lot because I think neither of us really needed the other, but I followed his posts and respected him. There have only been a handful of people that have that immediate quality that lets me know this person is going to lead this place—maybe it’s something about people with the name Jeff. My posts tend toward the long…to the point of going over post limits even— and formal, whereas Jack could bring across his point with a witty one-liner. I’ve never figured out how to do that. To me one of the funniest was when someone asked if anyone had noticed if female MLCers showed an increase in masturbation. Jack’s response: 10 Foot Pole. I think he followed that post with something more, but I almost fell off my chair from laughing at his simple response that succinctly stated how we were all probably feeling.
He approached Standing with dignity, grace, humour and acceptance. I think he knew that his marriage would make it—we both hated odds and said we would be the exception—because we weren’t going to let those odds affect our morale.
To Jeff’s family, my condolences. Please know that your son, father, husband… was a wonderful and great man of convictions. He helped many people through betrayal and lead them to look at themselves and become great.
I have been away for awhile. I came here today thinking of Jack/Jeff for some reason. I was thinking about Life being Plan B.
He was my DB Bootcamp mentor. He gave me advice and pushed me hard to go deeper. He gave me light in my darkest days when my H was pushing hard for the D. I still remember and use his words and advice today .
I never knew him IRL, however I imagined him to be larger than life, someone you WANT to know and be around.
His time with me on this board was essential in the continuing development of the person I am today, and I am still not done. His generosity, patience and time was key to where my family is now. And as usual, he was right. Piecing is even harder. I remember him saying that and it keeps me going.
To Jeff's family, my sincere condolences to a man that touched and help save a woman, and eventually a family, half way across the world. May he rest in peace.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I'm sorry to say that Jack3Beans (Jeff) died last fall.
He struggled with some health problems, but went on a trip in September. While on the vacation he got sick with an infection that weakened his system. He fought it hard, but then succumbed.
Jack (Jeff) was a dear friend in real life and here. He truly touched my life, and the lives of many many others.
Jeff was a loving father, a patient, witty friend, and an incredibly earnest, honest husband. He gave so much to people here.
I'm deeply grateful to have known him, and he will be missed.
RIP Jeff.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yes it is sad. He was in his 40's. Just tragic on many levels.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Much missed my friend, and tonight will include a toast to your honor, strength, and mostly, your friendship....
“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”
I still miss him. He gave me lots to think about in some very dark times.
Tad
Last edited by tadpole1025; 08/15/2111:00 PM.
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
While time has passed, I still often think of you my friend.
And even in recognizing the day, your words still echo with me...
Originally Posted by Jeff
Anniversaries are just days that WE place expectations on. Do something different on those days and you will change the expectations
FU Pirate !!! lol
I raise a glass to you tonight my friend.
Wherever you may be......
When our sailing nears its ending When our course is all but run, When the scenes of past endeavor Crown upon us one by one, When we see in true perspective – Knowing wrong and knowing right, May we say, like Saul of Tarsus I have fought a noble fight. May we find our life-long courses Have not been steered in vain Lest the bearings we have plotted Must be reckoned out again. When we leave our earthly bodies Buried deep in sea or sod, May our endeavors be our glory When we go to meet our God.
