Okay, I guess I'll spew about spewing. I suppose it may be just me, but I have a problem understanding why you should validate her while she is smashing you into hamburger meat. Perhaps it depends on what you say in your validation. I understand when she is upset or worried, or even having a melt down about something else. However, when the W is wayward..............her spewing is usually a personal attack on her H........which is a side effect of her disrespectful mindset.
When I hear H's say they validated the disrespectful spewing WW in a repeated scenario........it is difficult to see change in how he addresses her bullying him again & again. For example, the meds are a trigger for your W, and it's like she was sitting on the clock while watching you. After five minutes, she couldn't resist, and she unloaded on you.......once again. This is a repeated scenario.
If she is spewing about the MR (in privacy and not in front of the children), or if it was texting........I might be able to understand it. Maybe. To tolerate the same form of bullying, especially in front of the children, is not acceptable for the H/father who is the head of that home/family. And then turn around to meekly validate the WW, (maybe in front of the children.....IDK), just doesn't seem to be a solution to stop it. But again, that's just my interpretation, and most H's don't explain the details of the validation. Most will say, "I validated her", and then the rest is left to our imaginations. .
In your case, It0402, you should expect it at med times. Frankly, I believe she keeps you glued to the bullseye and she looks for any & all excuses to shoot you down, and make you appear incompentent.
To me, the first time she came unglued over the way you administered OTC meds, you could have calmly told her you could see how upset she was.....yada......yada. But when this continues like clockwork, and it's more of a bushwhack instead of motherly concern....then if I were the H, I would probably speak with her privately, and I would tell her in an adult language that she was to lay off and not do it again. But let me add, in your particular situation, here, think I understand you being somewhat cautious.....if you know you are going to divorce. You have a very irrational, angry wife, who would use anything against you to get full custody of her child. I do not know how you've lived in that environment!
IMO, every woman knows how far to push her H. She will verbally test the boundary lines to what he'll tolerate from her. I think most women can tell by the tone of voice the man uses, and the look on his face.......when he's had enough and don't push it. Even my soft spoken H has his limit, I discovered. He does not yell, curse, or degrade.........and of course, he has never been physical. I can just tell when I had better lay off and shut up. It's the way he looks at me and that body language, plus his voice takes on a serious tone that lets me know I am pushing the limit. If only he had done that in our earlier years!
There is a time to say nothing and walk away. There is a time to validate. There is a time to set a boundary against bullying, and enforce it. The key is to be in tune with those times and to apply the appropriate response. With all the wives he had, it's no wonder King Solomon prayed for wisdom!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I suppose it may be just me, but I have a problem understanding why you should validate her while she is smashing you into hamburger meat. Perhaps it depends on what you say in your validation. I understand when she is upset or worried, or even having a melt down about something else. However, when the W is 