Hi Feyth - firstly, please don't panic. Just post here and we'll keep supporting you. Also, don't worry about trying to be the lighthouse. Just focus on getting through this without being unkind to him, so that you can look back and feel happy with your part.

I agree that it's a good idea to slow down on any responses to him. Always respond with your business head, rather than your emotional head.

From what I read, he is flailing around because this isn't unfolding how he saw it would. He saw himself walking away quickly with X amount of assets. Now, he's starting to see that may not be the case.

Please don't let yourself be bullied or browbeaten and please don't feel sorry for him. He initiated this and the law is what it is. Brief your L to be pleasant and specific.

It's just a thought, but if you know how things should be split, you could suggest a formula to work with. In our case it was total assets now - minus what you each bought in (each take that) and split the 'growth' during period of cohabitation and M 50/50.

After many twists and turns, that is what XH suggested to me and I accepted that as fair. We kept it easy by leaving pensions alone as we both had provision there.

If he is in this state of mind, I would suggest you engage with him very little and work through your L as much as possible. Have you both made full asset declarations at this stage? That's the first step here in the UK on form E.

Keep running and posting and try and act on logic. Run things past us here. I know it's tough and I recognise how you feel as I felt the same about challenging XH. But truly, you will get there and you will be fine my lovely.

Xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus