A WW? (5)

[lt0402]

Fade, yeah, I'm at a somewhat steady place right now. I did take that app off. Hadn't responded to anyone, but I know that I'm nowhere near ready and willing to start looking for other people. Still have some work I need to do on myself first. Appreciate the suggestion and thoughts!.

Back from my work trip. A good trip overall. Went into the office after landing but I cut out a little early to go to Ds tennis lesson. W saw me and was instantly cold and perturbed. Said hello to D who was happy to see me there. Said hello to W and got the cold shoulder. It's the right thing for me to do though.

D asked to ride home in my car. We had a fun time joking and talking about the past few days. Came home, did dinner with W and D in front of the tv, D did her shower, and then we read our books on the couch while D studied for a test. Smart kid!

D and I snuggled and did some iPad for the last 30 minutes before bed. We put D down to bed and then I went in mbr to get ready for bed. Get a text from W:

W: "Do you want to talk about the draft of the separation agreement or would you rather get it from your L?"

I go down to put my laundry into the drier and ask W if she has an electronic copy she can send me. She tells me her L had not finished it. She wants to talk about the custody piece and I tell her I'm not willing to do less than 50/50. She tells me I'm being selfish, am only thinking of myself, and she cannot go a full week without seeing my D (who's being selfish?). I hold my line there and she progressively gets nastier and drops an "f" bomb. I tell her I won't speak with her when she is talking to me like that and I leave. She screams behind me that I'm such an a-hole. I flip my laundry into the drier and she comes in the laundry room 5 minutes later. Speed about how unfair I am and how I'm putting D in a horrible place and W knows D will pick her in front of a judge. Spews a bit more then turns around and walks away.

in turn, I go to her and tell her that I've given this situation a ton of thought and the best thing for our D is a 50/50 split. I'm happy to take full custody and W can do the 2hrs and evening visits and every other weekend side of things if she would like (what she thinks I should do). W starts crying about the week on week off and how she cannot go for a week without seeing D. W tells me how D doesn't trust me, she only likes being around me when we are having fun. W tells me how horrible of a person I am and how it's ridiculous that I think D trusts me. I validate with I hear you, but I don't agree with you for most of it. We have about 10 minutes of actual productive talk where she opens up about her fears in all this, but we end up back in spew land. She says there is no way a judge will grant 50/50 and I'm only hurting myself by refusing to negotiate away from that.

W brings up 2 weeks ago when she says I broke a promise to D about taking her to school. I let her go for a bit,but she keeps coming back to it. (This is the promise W made to D on my behalf, unbeknownst to me). W says D told her I made a BS apology to her and D doesn't trust me to live up to any promises as I so clearly broke that one with D. Problem with that is that D is the one who told me W made that promise and D told me I wasn't around when she did. W keeps beating on it and using that as the reason D would never trust me.

Finally I tell W what D told me. W tells me I'm full of [censored]. That's not what happened. I am a liar, etc. I calmly tell W I know what happened and I'm very confident in the trust between D and I.

W then pokes me about moving out. She says to me "can you at least admit that I'm the primary caregiver for our D?" She keeps asking that question. I tell her we are 50/50 parents and both take care of the needs of our D. That makes her angry, she calls me delusional, and she keeps asking that question. I continue to tell her that I do not agree with her on that.

I tell her that I am just about he most rational and honest person she could be dealing with right now. I say she has told me the MR is over and while I won't push this forward, I won't stand in the way of her doing that. She tells me to stop playing the victim, she cries more about how awful it's been for her and D having to deal with me. How she is trying to get D out of this horrible situation I have created. How D continues to ask for me to live elsewhere. How if I were reasonable I'd move out for 2 months and leave her and D here. I tell her we can get an apartment and do week on and week off until the house is sold if that's what she needs but I will not do anything less than 50/50. She then says we need to tell D. I tell her I'm unwilling to tell D until we see the co-parenting counselor and discuss with her. I ask W when her appointment is and she says they won't call her back so she doesn't have one. They came back to me asap when I booked mine. Unsure what Ws deal is there. W says there is some other reason I won't tell D right now. I tell her I'm unwilling to tell my D without a well thought plan that's been vetted by the counselor. W says D will be ecstatic so we don't need a plan. W then agrees to do it after we see co-parenting counselor.

Hammers again on the primary caretaker thing. She gets pissed. Says the conversation is over and she can't talk to me anymore. All I do is disagree with her. All I am is angry and picking fights all the time. She wants to have dinner and not think about me for the rest of the evening. She tells me I can speak to her on text if I have anything else to say to her. I try to ask a question, she gets more mad,so I just get up and leave.

W then texts me 5 minutes later with more questions around our Roth IRA and our family trust documents. It's nuts. W did try to drag me down the path of our MR being fixable and why I thought that. I'm unwilling to have that discussion anymore.

So, I'm neutral here. I didn't let her pull me down the nasty path she was going. I probably should have cut the conversation at the start but I felt like I was ok having it. I will not bed from my 50/50 split of custody bc I know that's best for my D. My W is not someone I want my D around all the time now. W is not stable enough to give D what she needs by herself. I'm a rock and I will be there for my D through this. I won't let my Ws emotions/irrational behavior de-stabilize D. I used the "I'm sorry you feel that way but I do not agree" phrase so many times that by the end my W told me to stop saying that.

Curious on thoughts? Should I have just told her to beat it at the start of the conversation? She still seems off balance. She is still telling what I believe to be lies about Ds and my relationship. I found myself worried she was recirding the convo too based on the primary caretaker question. Maybe I'm paranoid.

I'll continue to do what I believe is best for my D, rehardless of how W views it. I'm doing that bc it's the right thing to do and my D deserves the best shot at stability she can get. Going to bed, but I'm doing so with a clear conscience and at peace mind. I know I'm doing the right thing for D. W has to have some inkling that she is not. Who knows. Thanks all!