Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 5

[PsySara]

Anyway, you seem to require that he feel true remorse in order for you to go forward with him. Is that really a requirement?

Yes it is, because then I know he understands the gravity of what he has done and that he must fortify his boundaries so it never happens again.

Also, what do you (or he?) mean when you say he feels regret but not remorse. What's the difference?

Regret is when someone feels guilty and filled with shame. They are horrified that they did something bad. It is a self-focused thing. Remorse is the understanding that your actions have affected another person and brought them great pain, it is the desire to rectify and seek forgiveness and restitution to alleviate the harm you caused that other person. It is not self focused but rather a recognition that you must attempt to right what was done wrong.

Dory,
So far WH has said he was sorry but his actions do not bare that out. He appears to be embarrassed and ashamed of what he has done but unable to do anything to change imself or to attempt at making it right with me. He refuses IC, MC, speaking to an Imam (he cancelled the appointment) and really balks at anything I suggest to deal with this affair. He's stuck right now and his method of coping is to repress and then forget about it. I can't move forward with US if he does that, it means that he's learned nothing and will likely repeat his behaviors.

Surfer,
I will likely start going to the gym and doing some running. The preschool my children attend has a gym, pool etc., I need to make a schedule and spend an hour a day (3 times a week) running on a treadmill. Hopefully this will create some healthy hormones to bring my mood up and help me work through some stuff. I also have scheduled IC for myself next Wednesday after work. I already gave a head's up to my WH and let him know I would be late that day.

I was up last night due to the baby and then phone calls (I was on call for admissions.) I am pretty tired today but WH came and took me out to lunch. It was nice and we both are glad we went. Tonight he went out and bought a desk and chair for his man cave (bonus room) and plans on starting a study regimen for his boards. I think I need to start doing that as well as board certification gets me a bump in pay. I made sure to be wearing an very classy/sexy dress when he came back from chopping and he immediately dropped everything and asked what our plans were for the night. I coyly responded, "Just hanging out, I guess." Usually WH would be fixated on constructing his desk and chair and spending his time away from us. (he gets really tunnel visioned when he gets something new) But instead he asked if we could watch something on tv and we watched a new series.

My LL is Quality Time and he knows it, it really surprised me to see him spending time doing something I enjoy even though I know he was itching to put that desk together. Step by step we may do this DBing thing.