Hanging on and hoping for the best

[BillyHo]

So my gut feeling was wrong. She is still unsure what route she wants to take. This time the C had me do my individual part first. We talked about the Valtrex and I told her that I may have been jumping to conclusions. She said that I am just trying to suppress it so that I can avoid the conflict. She said it needs to be addressed and to let my wife know it's bothering me and I need an explanation.

We also talked about whatnI want to be going forward. I told her I want to be more assertive and take charge. Not have my W on a pedestal. Be more confident and not live in my fears. I told W all of this when she came in. I confronted her about the Valtrex and she said it was for shingles because they can be brought on by stress.

When I came in she said that the weekend away she did a lot of reflecting and talking with her best friend that moved away years ago. She said she is still trying to figure out who she is outside of me and the kids. We dated when she was 15 and married at 19 so I think she is trying to explore that early part of her life. She said to try to figure that out and work on us at the same time is overwhelming.

We don't go back until November 14. The C told us both to work on who we want to be going forward. She pretty much told me what I have heard here so many times. "Use this time to become the man you want to be".

My short term goals are as follows:

1. No Snooping
2. Journal here and at home only about me and my boys
(No focusing on wife)
3. No social media
4. Totally focus on me and my boys

Any tips to help with these things are welcome. Please hold me accountable and don't hold back if I screw up.