What you have posted to Hairdog is what I was talking about in the other post I made to you.
You are a cyclical person. You are a person who constantly says, come closer, closer, closer...[panic attack] what the hell are you doing so close!! Back off!! They back WAY off. You feel comfy for a few days, or weeks. Then you start feeling lonely. So you invite them to come closer, closer, closer...
See the cycle?
Understand that what you are facing now is the enemy of your emotions. The only way to break this endless cycle is to 'fall back.' Resist nothing. You have a firm belief in the idea of 'control.' Control is an illusion.
Acknowledge your panic. Welcome it in your space. But do not allow it to 'take over.' Set it over there in the corner of your mind. Tell it it doesn't have to leave, but it cannot take over either. Tell it the two of you are going to have to learn how to co-habitate.
When you feel it creeping up on the scale-o-meter, you are going to have a find a way to divert your attention from it. Exercise is often a good way to do this, and I mean strenuous exercise. Do you jog? Ride a bike? Exhaust yourself physically.
Right now, you are in the midst of battling yourself. Let that be OKAY. Do not seek to rid yourself of this stage, but seek to learn how to LIVE with it. Once you accept it for what it is, yet refuse to give in to it, it will go away.
