Whatwillbe, I'm sorry to read about how your husband hurt you. It must be very difficult to open up and trust somebody who acts as though he cares very little about your feelings.
Cemar, I don't think it's a good idea to generalize about women and sex. My vulnerability comes mostly from being molested once or twice when I was a very young child combined with my upbringing.
My husband and I have talked a lot this weekend, and he says that he did sometimes feel rejected by me. On the other hand, he wouldn't call that feeling of being rejected a "crushing blow" to his self-respect or a feeling of being "destroyed bit by bit". He's self-confident and successful; and he knows about my issues from childhood and even has some of his own. In fact, his reply to my apologies was to tell me not to worry about it, that it's all water under the bridge, and to bring me roses.
There is a disparity in our sexual desire with him desiring it more often than I did. When we do make love, it's usually quite good for both of us; and he knows that he can ask for almost anything (manual, oral, intercourse, combinations, different positions) and get it.
Also, perhaps I'm different from most women, but I suspect that I'm not in that I'm finding that my desire for my husband increases as the amount of physical intimacy with him increases. That does not, however, translate into more orgasms with him or even the desire for more intercourse. It simply means that I want to be intimate with him, to touch him, to be touched by him, etc. Dr. Harley in his book, His Needs, Her Needs, explains to men that their wives often don't need or want to climax. I'm sure some women do, but I often don't because it takes too much of my focus and attention. My husband knows that he can bring me to orgasm if that's what I want, but he knows that often I don't want that, that it's often more relaxing and fulfilling for me to concentrate on pleasing him or to concentrate on other senses (touch, taste, smell, etc.) while we're making love.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. C. S. Lewis
